Suppressing the 'Softball Guy' In Me

Some of you who have chatted me up in the past year or perhaps have seen my posts on Facebook probably know that I play a little softball here in Austin. It's something that I enjoy doing a lot, and many times it is the highlight of my day after work. But it wasn't until last week that a criticism was thrown in the direction of my team, and I seemed to take it a little personally (hence, sparking an inward observation on how I play and how I approach the game).

Here's an attempt at a long story short.
Back in April I was invited to play on a team called the JuggerNutz - which fielded two co-ed teams that come out each week to have fun, but still liked to win. So, one could say that this team liked to have players that had moderate skill.

Earlier in the fall, the team was registered into a league division (Novice-Medium) that we felt was suited to our teams competitive groove. However, in order to field a full division, the city consolidated our group with another group from a more Novice division. So, the JuggerNutz began winning games at pretty significant margins. It was also about this time when the previous "team manager/coach" stepped down and handed the reins over to me. It was in the most recent game (accompanied by a double-digit lead) that someone from the opposing team started chirping about my team taking the game too seriously. Basically, he was describing us as players without a conscience - another term for "Softball Guy."

We'll get back to the details about that game in a second. But first, I want my readers to know exactly what and who "Softball Guy" is, and why I considered this an insult.

Some of you might like to check out this article from 2 years ago, An Ode to Softball Dude, by a columnist with the humor website joesportsfan.com.

I prefer the descriptions made by Jim Rome.

So, I felt that I would take a chance and compare some of the elements of a "Softball Guy" with a truthful assessment of my own approach to the game, and I will allow you to decide the degree of 'douchiness' I fall into. I will also let you know about this opposing team making the accusations and how my team reacted. So, let's start with the simple things...

1. "Softball Guy" is usually in his late-twenties, thirties, or early forties.
I am 28 years old, so I do fall into this category. But every time I get out to the ballpark I do come across a game where all the players are in the upper range of this group. And they have tempers.

2. "Softball Guy" plays in 3-4 leagues in the same season.
I am currently only playing on two teams, but they are both co-ed. However, back in the summer I played on both those teams and on a third in a men's league. So, I'm sorta guilty on this one.

3. "Softball Guy" owns a triple-lined titanium bat that cost at least $350.
There is absolutely no way that I would consider shelling out that kind of cash for equipment I'd only use twice a week. Instead, I look for bargains. The closest thing that resembles this description is the Worth "Jeff Hall" Amp bat that I found on clearance at a Dick's Sporting Goods. Regular price: $169.99. I bought it for $99.99. Still a little pricey, but I was tired of hearing strange noises whenever I made contact with my previous bat, a $25 Easton I bought 7 years ago for intramurals at SHSU.

4. "Softball Guy" wears baseball pants.
Last time I checked, it was co-ed softball, so for me it's gonna be just shorts or nothing at all. However, I still kinda shake my head at the guys who wear blue jeans. I will make an exception, though. Guys who play in Senior Leagues can wear pants. If you've been playing for that long, you deserve to wear whatever the hell you feel like. Also, I will pardon people who have skin conditions.

5. "Softball Guy" is another form of "Angry Young Overcompetitive Guy."
I'm glad to say that I do not belong in this category. "Angry Young Guy" is the one who comes out every game with a chip on his shoulder and a wound up temper ready to explode, because he's trying to prove something to either himself or the people he imagines are watching him, because he was pushed around a little too much in the past. Back when I was a hockey coach, these types were easy to spot - probably because we put a hockey stick in their hands, and they began to use it liberally around the rink. In fact, the coaches and I actually made fun of this type of player. We called it "Little Man Syndrome." We had to put these kids on a leash during games. Unfortunately there's no legal form to do that in adult co-rec softball.

6. "Softball Guy" knows his career batting average.
At the end of the night, I'll probably recap on whether I went 3-for-4 at the plate or 3-for-5. But by the time I make it back home I completely forget. Hell, sometimes I can't even remember who the leadoff man is for the other team when I'm out in the field. I seem to have short and long-term memory loss when it comes to softball. Meanwhile, I see other players remember how a pitcher tossed to them three seasons ago.

7. "Softball Guy" gripes about the scoreboard being behind.
I did this ONCE, and then I realized right then and there how much of a douche-move it was. I now don't even look at the scoreboard, except to see how much time there's left in the game.

8. "Softball Guy" takes a strike and 'works the count'.
I have to admit I actually do this, but I'm not out there to 'work the count.' Sometimes I like to wait for a good looking pitch. These days, I'm swinging on the first pitch more often than not. But back in the summer I would work it up to a full count and draw more walks than hits. Back then, I thought it was smart softball. But in the league we're playing in now, I will NEVER walk. I'd rather hit a grounder and force the infield to make the play.

9. "Softball Guy" spends hours before each game at the batting cages.
Nope. Too expensive. And it's overkill. Besides, look what I'm doing now. I'm writing a goofy blog, and my game tonight starts in 3 hours.

10. "Softball Guy" plays "entrance music" for his walkup to the plate.
I do bring an iPod and the speakers to the game. But, it's for the team's benefit. I start the playlist and let it roll through the entire game. You can't call me on this one. Haha!

So, looking back at this summary, I can deduce that maybe I have a little bit of "Softball Guy" in me. But believe me, that's the last thing I want to be. I just want to be a guy who goes out there to have some fun and plays hard, but not to the point to where it's embarrassing to both teams. I like getting hits. I like making catches. But I realize that the more a person plays softball, the better the chances are for that person to become that "Guy". So, it's my personal mission to keep it cool and just go out and play without trying to make a statement. Not that I did stuff like that before.

So, back to last week's game. It pains me to say that the final score was 25-4. But it wasn't our team's mission to win like that. We were actually rooting for the other team to make plays in order to come back into bat. And when they did swing, we were hoping for them to make good contact for a well placed hit. At one point, my teammate Jay asked if I wanted him to pop out in order to move the game along. And I answered him with an emphatic "Yes! Please!"

Other batters on the team swung at the first pitch, whether it was a good or a bad one. I told the team to not take walks. We made most efforts to keep the game close and not get out of hand. Unfortunately, their skill level just couldn't come up with that magic to make the game just a tiny bit closer.

But as I watched the other team play, I realized that perhaps it wasn't their lack of skills alone that were the source of their problems. There were some signs that some of the players out there didn't really know "why" they were out there. Maybe some of them signed up with a different game in mind. Perhaps some of them were dragged out there by others. I could actually see a couple players in the field with actual 'confused' looks on their faces, as if to say "What am I doing here?"

And as it turns out, the one player on the other team who started chirping about us taking the game too seriously... his attitude started to deteriorate. He basically blinked at a foul ball that was grounded in his direction. He didn't even make a move to retrieve it when it stopped just 8 feet from him. A teammate from the dugout had to come out and throw it back to our pitcher. Also, other grounders that were hit in his direction at 3rd base were only given a mediocre attempt at being fielded before going about their way into the outfield.

So, as I observed this guy's behavior - his frustration with his teammates, and his negative attitude toward the game - I began to notice that I was actually seeing the conception between a "guy who thinks he's good but isn't" and "angry young guy."

And it was right there when I realized that I had just witnessed the unholy birth of a new breed of "Softball Guy."

AX

Observe and Report

Perhaps it's my journalism background, but I keep finding myself searching for sense in a lot of things. Either that, or I'm watching too many "police dramas" on TV. So, I tend to make quite a lot of observations. Some of them serious, others funny, but mostly extremely random.

For example, after watching the movie 'Footloose' recently, I came to the conclusion that if you take a population of a small town and deprive the teenagers from music and dancing, the girls in that town will become complete psychos. Compared to staring down an oncoming train and straddling open highway between a car and a pickup truck going 55 mph, that makes the "capital 'C'" crazies on VH1 reality shows look like etiquette instructors.

Also, there seems to be a trend forming in the world of prime time television: shows that are titled after the main character whose name is based after some sort of building.

FOX is riding high with "House."


ABC is winning more fans with the increasingly popular "Castle."


So I figured that I need to start developing a show of my own based on this fad before it runs out of steam. Here's the concept:

"Deep in the forest, there are many things that go bump in the night: Dangerous wildlife... Poachers... the Mob dumping bodies... dwarves mining for diamonds... Kids with matches. That's why this fall, this Park Ranger is doling out permits for punishment. Samantha Mathis returns to the wild to reprise her role as the park ranger from 'Broken Arrow', but with a different name, in a show critics call 'confusing.' She stamps out wilderness crime in addition to stamping your National Parks passport. She's Patricia 'CABIN', US Forest Service. Catch an all new 'CABIN', Fridays on FOX."

Be on the lookout for my other show pitches: "CONDO" and "SHED."

All right, on the actual reason I'm writing this. I have to somehow tie this in with advertising. So, here we go...

The holiday season is coming around, and once again high-tech gadgets are going to be the hot item. Also, it's been quite some time since the last version of the iPhone came out (6 months, right?). So all these mobile phone/device companies not named Apple or Blackberry, have been waiting in the reeds developing their state-of-the-art tablet devices ready to finally dive back into the smart phone market. Nokia is coming out with the N900 (nice name, BTW). Motorola is currently showing off its new Droid.

Now, the reason this is interesting is because AT&T and Apple are such good buddies when it comes to contracts, the blue orb is going to be limited to what it can offer when it comes to smart phones that compete with the iPhone. Meanwhile, Verizon is going to be in good position to offer the Droid, Nokias, and especially the menacing Storm II from Blackberry.

And this, children, is why you are seeing attack ads from Verizon in their new campaign: "There's a Map for that." It's the official start of an ad war between Verizon and the company that can't decide whether their official color is orange or blue.

This is significant for me, because it calls up many memories of annoyance from the 90's. I am alluding to the long-distance wars between MCI and AT&T. My teenage years were bombarded with questions coming through my TV and my phone asking if I wanted to switch or if I was happy with my long-distance service. It was brutal!

On top of that, the same two phone companies realized that it was easier for people to use long-distance service by calling collect, starting a new battle in the phone wars starring MCI's 1-800-COLLECT and AT&T's 1-800-CALL-ATT. Thus introducing a new breed of annoying television advertising: outlandish comedians. Carrot Top had a portable pay phone. David Arquette ran around wearing a keypad on his chest. Probably both performers' best work ever. Meanwhile, MCI went overboard by featuring every relevant B celebrity from 1989 to 1995.




Back to the present. I am actually giddy to see if AT&T answers back to Verizon in the form of an attack ad, instead of the threat of legal action. It will be the sweet corporate jousting match I expect in all my holiday seasons.

Oh, funny side note. Verizon is actually part of what MCI used to be. So it seems that the formerly vanquished long-distance company is coming back to retribution.

So, hug your mobile devices, everyone. They're about to become even more obsolete. But let's at least enjoy the carnage that will come out of the new phone wars, before they start to get REALLY annoying.

Oh yes, and make sure to catch the spin off I'm already creating from 'Cabin'. "Cottage" comes out next Spring.

Take care.

AX

Social Network Marketing IRONY

Good evening, all.

Well, it's late at night from where I am writing, and I just HAD to get this little bit of information across before I turned in for the evening. Why? Because I have observed a humorous bit of truth related to a blog I posted earlier.

If you recall, I posted a rather scathing opinion of my experience with a social network marketing presentation I attended recently, pointing out that many who are involved with these programs would sacrifice personal and common relationships for the potential of earning quick money by trying to recruit people to become partners in the social network marketing business.

Well, not 30 minutes after I publicized that blog posting on Twitter, my "followers" count suddenly jumped from a modest 65 followers, to a presentable 85 followers. How in the world could some "Joe Shmoe" like myself become so popular from a written recap of a negative experience? Rants don't normally garner this kind of response.

After looking into my new found flock, I discovered that many of my new followers were actually involved with various forms of social network marketing, or multi-level marketing (MLM). They're the type of people who go around searching the internet and using broad forums like Twitter to find other people involved, in the hopes that they can recruit them into their own business partnerships. More than likely, they use the terms "social network marketing" in their search parameters, which just so happened to be words included in the title of the aforementioned blog post.

(Note: Please observe that I'm using the same three words in the title of THIS follow-up blog post, with the intention of further proving my argument in the future.)

You see, marketing is - and always will be - a numbers game. You can see it in the name: marketing. The object is to score sales by hitting up as much of the market as possible. In advertising, we put a lot of effort into research and testing so that we can be as efficient as possible to reach our desired audience, giving the client the best "bang" for their buck. Whereas in marketing, it's all about going up to each and every individual and pushing product on them. Marketers practice this method to the point where they don't even know who they are talking to. Case in point, I write a NEGATIVE article about their trade, and they add me to their social network hoping I'll help in their business.

Another example comes from that experience I wrote about earlier. The organizers of that Amway Global presentation thought that I fell into the same category with naive kids not yet out of college, when in fact I am an educated individual who could see right through their pitch, not to mention a guy who is trained to study the behaviors of the consumer.

Depending on IF my new Twitter followers read this blog post and the previous account, I'll probably drop in the number of "Followers." But no worries, I'll probably gain that number back, and more, because I'm sure more "MLM" enthusiasts will jump right in.

Also, (at the risk of self promotion) I'd like to invite you in on the experiment. Check out my Twitter page and take a peek the list of online and social network marketers who populate my Followers' list. At the time of this posting, I have a count of 83 total followers.

Another lesson learned. Good night, all.

AX

The Drowning Pool 'Fail' Whale

Being the newshound that I am, I first spotted this story over three weeks ago. I'm only writing about it now because it has taken me the entire three weeks to wrap my brain around the insane thing that happened - and I don't mean the rescue.

To summarize, a diver in China was drowning when her legs cramped up, and a beluga whale saved her life by bringing her to the water's surface.



A nice, feel-good story. Sounds pretty plain, doesn't it? Well, let me clue you in on the details...

It turns out this diver was competing in something called a "free diving contest", in which the object of the game is to stay underwater for as long as possible without any breathing equipment. Insane element #1.

Insane element #2, the reason the diver's legs cramped up (causing her near-fatal situation) was because the water temperature was near-freezing. The news article described it as "Arctic" temperatures.

Insane element #3, this competition was held in a 20-foot-deep beluga whale tank at Polar Land, a marine amusement park, WITH THE WHALE STILL IN THE TANK!

Okay, I thought that the 'Polar Bear Club' was maladjusted, but they just got trumped in the category of "Crazy." At least the Polar Bears know when to get out of the water before serious hypothermia sets in.

First of all, any competition that involves people underwater, trying to hold their breath the longest, will more than likely end up with someone drowning. Because you know what happens when you deprive the brain of oxygen. You pass out. In normal situations (outside of water) your body will immediately go on autopilot and you start breathing again. But underwater, your lungs would immediately fill up with water, hence an eventual death by drowning. It seems that this beluga whale was going to have to pull somebody out anyway, whether it be by cramps or being too competitive in a suffocating contest.

We can also come to the conclusion, considering where this event was held and the temperature of the water, that not only the participants were head cases, but the promoters were, too!

But now that I think about it, wouldn't it have been hilarious if those promoters didn't have any concerns because they had already designated big 'Mila', the beluga whale, as the lifeguard? In their minds, having a whale in the same tank at the same time wasn't a liability, but in fact an insurance policy.

It gives a new meaning to the term 'fail whale'. This could have been a "survive fail".

Remember, the only reason this is funny is because no one died. Cheers to 'Mila' for saving that poor girl's life.

But we have to think of a smarter way to cheat death and get our kicks.

AX

'Boiler Room' 2009 - The Social Media Marketing Smokescreen

Beware the newest manifestation of the "door-to-door" salesman: the social media marketer.

We know that times are tough these days. I, like most people, are looking into opportunities to earn a little extra cash. But after a recent experience, I learned that fulfillment from a job is more rewarding than earning easy money at the expense of the relationship with friends or people you know.

A couple weeks ago a friend referred me to a gentleman from Dallas who offered opportunities in online advertising and marketing. After a few phone conversations that included the words 'online', 'team', 'think tank' and 'creative', I was under the impression that this gig might involve designing ads for the next generation of online advertising. However, I did keep my guard up, because much of his business jargon was vague. Nonetheless, I figured there was no harm in attending the information session to figure out what all was really going on.

The second I entered the presentation hall, I knew what was up. There was a professional speaker scheduled. Many of the other 30 people in the room were college kids. There was even a high school senior. And aside from the six or seven "professionals" standing in the back of the room, I was the best dressed out of all the candidates. I had stumbled into a sales pitch - a sales pitch aimed at the ambitious, yet naive masses. I knew what was coming, and I could have simply turned around and walked out of there. But, I didn't want to be rude to the host, and I figured I could learn a thing or two on how these "network marketers" appeal to an audience that will eventually drive the market in the near future. So, I chalked it up as research and took a seat.

The speaker was very good - a man by the name of Mike Brown who proclaimed he was a millionaire and retired at the age of 25. His energetic and excited tone hit a chord with the young'uns, but his jokes were corny. At least to me. For about 20 minutes he prattled on about how no one should be working for anyone else and people who earned a paycheck were suckers. The crowd listened, probably unaware that there was still no mention of a product or service being sold.

For the next ten minutes, Mr. Brown went off on how internet marketing is the future of the economy, and companies are figuring ways to get the biggest piece of a $50 billion market pie. He mentioned that referral techniques are driving customers to online retailers more than any other method. And he was right. But to this point, there was still no mention of a product or service, or even responsibility. The crowd still hung in there, though.

Then, he got around to the business plan and how we could use our networks in Facebook and MySpace to make money. Lots of money. It was finally at this point when he scribbled the word 'Quixtar' on the whiteboard beside him. For a few people in the room, they realized what I had already figured out. Shoulders dropped. Sighs could be heard. I could sense eyes rolling. 'Quixtar'. Does the name 'Amway' ring a bell?

Right then I snickered to myself as I was reminded of that scene from the movie 'Go', when Jay Mohr and Scott Wolf are being given the same pitch by William Fichtner.

"Wow." I thought to myself, "I now know that 'social network marketing' is the new fancy word for 'pyramid scheme'."

And we all know how those turn out. I actually think this new form of marketing is even worse, because it tempts you to look to your friends and family as potential sales partners.

Again, I could have just walked out right then, but I wanted some satisfaction. So I went up to one of the hosts and started asking the awkward questions.

"If people ask what I do, what do I tell them?"

"Is there any kind of fulfillment that comes with selling people a business
concept?"

"How big of a net do I have to throw out there to get 4 or 5 ideal sales
candidates? 100?"

"Would I be getting a call from my sales partner every week asking if I'm
working?"

"Would I have to call all my sales partners all the time to get on their
case?"

"How did you get over risking your friendships with people by pitching them
this program?"

So, I left the building laughing to myself. I also came out with three ideal lessons learned.

1. Network marketing is the exact opposite of advertising. There's nothing creative about it. It's driven by ambition only. No research. No strategy. No art.

2. People are already at their wits' end from all the junk that gets posted on Facebook already (i.e.: quizzes, surveys, applications). Can you imagine how pissed at you they'd be if you started pushing hygiene and beauty products on them on a regular basis? You run the risk of losing those friends. Soon, your 400 or so connections will dwindle down to just your core group or clique. That is, if you're smart enough to avoid asking them to jump on board.

3. It's easy to be a motivational speaker when most of the audience is already motivated - by "quick and easy" money.

I have to admit, it was the second time this year that I got sucked into a presentation like that. Back in the spring a neighbor invited me over to watch some sporting event, but when I arrived, I found a table with literature and what seemed like bottles of wine. It was, in fact, a networking sales pitch for an acai drink product called Monavie. They showed me a video about the product that actually looked more like an episode of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous", as it featured the high-end cars and Hummers the elite sales teams drove. Watching the video with our hosts standing beside the television, I felt as if I was restrained and my eyelids were held open by clothespins. It was THAT awkward.

So, for you out there who are looking around for a little extra cash, make sure to avoid anything that says 'social media network marketing' or 'make money with your Facebook and MySpace.' Also, steer clear of those job descriptions that are vague as hell.

I do hope you leave this mountaintop a wiser person.

Take care, all.

AX

Introducing UFC2: Ultimate Finch Fighting Championships

For some insane reason there are still people out there who get their jollies out of seeing animals dismantle each other. On top of that, they have to sully God's gift of gambling and throw that into the mix, too.

Fortunately, sometimes we can do something about it. Michael Vick (or as I fondly refer to him as Ron Mexico) is still feeling the sting from the 'tough love' of NFL commish Roger Goodell as he is conditionally reinstated to the league after he was punished for his own 'tough love' on the performers of his dog-fighting ring.

On the other hand, it's a sad fact that there will probably always be underground cock-fighting circuits. As long as you have a large enough group of twisted individuals, you're always going to have a draw for those events. Just think of how the donkey shows have survived for so long.

But imagine my disbelief when I read something I thought was much stranger than any of the sordid events listed above. In Connecticut, 19 people were arrested and over 150 small birds were seized, as police stormed a home in New Haven and broke up a "finch fighting ring."

We're talking tiny birds. Canaries, saffron finches and other small birds were put up against each other. Reports said that around $8,000 was exchanged in the gambling side of it all.

Wow. So this is what the world has come to. Not that I mean the Earth in general is going nuts. We all know that nature - in all its beauty and splendor - provides to us some of the most violent and brutal animal battles in the name of sustenance, mating rights and territorial domination. Simple things. Also, it's a known fact that birds typically don't like each other. I grew up watching cardinals and blue jays battle it out for seed on my front porch. But geez, never would I have thought to call up 18 other Brazilian dudes and have them over for a nice Sunday afternoon of watching 'Woodstock' and 'Tweety Bird' going at it.

After I offered this story up for some friends, my buddy Sean from Corpus Christi responded with a concept that I also had running around in my head.

"Here comes the UFFC. The Ultimate Finch Fighting Championships! I can see it
now, a little octagon made of woven sticks and a little chicken wire."

Not a bad idea. But that league will need a nice card for opening night or else it will tank like EliteXC. So here are a few decent match ups I think might draw attention.

Fight #1: Three-Way Tag Team Match

'The Three Caballeros' vs. 'The Goodfeathers'

Despite the back alley upbringing of Bobby, Squit and Pesto, I have to give this match to the 'Caballeros'. Roosters already have a fighter's reputation, ducks are known to be feisty, and I myself have battle scars from run-ins with parrots.

Fight #2: 'Woody Woodpecker'' vs. 'Road Runner'

To most analysts, this would be a "push". It's tough to pick a winner between all-out speed versus all-out tenacity. But considering that the 'Runner' has been outwitting a super-genius coyote for 50 years, I'd have to give this fight to the speedy one.

Fight #3: 'Heckle and Jeckle' vs. 'The Crows from "Dumbo"'

The magpies are pretty slick, but if this thing turns into a street fight, you gotta go with the Crow. There's five of them.

Fight #4: UFC2 Championship

'Henery the Chicken Hawk' vs. 'The Twitter Bird'

It's either the best pound-for-pound small bird fighter against the mascot of the most popular social media site at the time. Push.

All kidding aside, I certainly hope that the recent publicity of such a strange and grim case of animal cruelty doesn't spark a mad dash for small cage birds for the purposes of fighting. It's fun to see a bird pecking at a cat or dog, but not at each other for sport.

And as for the Ron Mexico fiasco, I have a thing to say to all those writers and apologists who think the NFL's reinstatement plan is unfair to Michael Vick. Grow up and realize that we're not just talking about a guy who killed dogs. We're talking about a sadist who got pleasure out of his crimes, because he felt that it was a necessary part of his new gangster lifestyle. Those types of criminals do not belong in the league or deserve the free passes that most athletes get. Those apologists want to stop at the dogfighting argument. What else might have Vick been responsible for if he wasn't checked on this?

Okay, I'm climbing down from my soapbox now.

Well gang, thank you for reaching this point of the blog and tolerating my silly concepts. You are all good people.

Baseball on TV: Balls, Strikes & Eye Candy

Anytime I sit down to enjoy my beloved Houston Astros on television, I always get caught up in how modern technology has made the viewing experience exponentially better every year. High definition, an army of cameras, the ungodly number of obscure statistics that are flashed on the screen - all of these things help make a game shown 164 times seem original every night.

One aspect of the televised game that I particularly enjoy are the crowd cutaways. As a sports broadcaster I learned that those cutaways are necessary in producing a smooth flowing report to break up the highlights and tell the story. But thanks to my Samsung HD LCD, crowd shots give me an opportunity to really take a look at the cross section of people who make it out to see the Astros. Who knows, maybe I'll see someone I know. Perhaps something humorous will happen in that split second when the fans are seen. Or maybe I'll catch someone in an act of trying to be inconspicuous as he ogles the woman next to him - which is what happened here... http://twitpic.com/9ym5f. Thank you, DVR.

We'll get back to that 'eye in the sky' in just a minute, but the reason I wanted to sit down and write this note was to express my approval of a new promotions segment that Fox Sports Net has rolled out in its Major League Baseball coverage.

Most of you probably first saw him in an ESPN vignette when the season first started, but the Batting Stance Guy now dons your local team's jersey and mimics the team's players' stances in a tease for the post game show. It's finally made it's way down to Texas.

To me, that graphic is more entertaining than any absurd question that Geico Trivia can churn out. Sad to say, but history lessons aren't really the candy that today's baseball-watching youngun will go for. It's all about what's now, who's playing this year. And there's a guy out there on the internet that just happens to have the ability to imitate their batting stances to near-perfection. Fox Sports did a very good job in introducing something that is both innovative, original, and attention-grabbing. Not bad for a guy who cleverly states that his work is "the least marketable skill in America." The only shame in all of it is that the stance is used to tease the postgame show. I don't know about you, but I am a huge Astros fan, but I can't remember any time that I have actually stuck around to watch a postgame show.

But let me take this time to propose another promotion to use in the game. More often than not there is an attractive female perched in the seats right behind home plate, which means there's a lot of face time involved. Now, whether it be the case that the girl knows that she'll be seen, or perhaps her date recommends it, but it's very common that said-female will dress to impress. These days, the viewer can spot the trend that cameras shooting at the game will gravitate toward these women. This is where I believe a marketing opportunity lies.

To most it would be the "random hot girl at the game", but if I was involved in the marketing decisions with FSN, I'd bring in a client like Hooters (or if all else fails, a local gentlemen's club), and call it their "Top Prospect of the Game." Back that up with a Twitter-based conversation during the game and maybe a 15-second in-game spot with the company logo. Wouldn't it be great to have Bill Brown and Jim DeShaies bring in a little commentary on that plug 160 times a year? Throw in a gift certificate for the woman while you're at it. She gets a little exposure and some monetary value, the client gets its name out there, and we all enjoy a little eye candy. Everbody wins.

Call it sexist, but we've seen it done before - just without a sponsor. Remember how many times Colt McCoy's girlfriend was plastered all over the Longhorn game broadcasts on ESPN and FOX?

I rest my case. And, I think it would work.

Until next time,

AX

Car Chases: The Untapped Marketing Well

Well, folks. I humbly lay this text submission before you as a sign of courage. You see, this is the first time in almost two years that I have sat down to write a full, thought out blog in the interests of your entertainment and the expansion of my budding creative skills. For months now I have been hesitant to write down my ramblings, because quality is what I strive for and during that time I didn't want to put anything out there that fell short of that.

But here I am. Ready to step out into the world once again. I do hope you enjoy.
(FYI - For those interested in my previous submissions, you can find them at http://blogs.myspace.com/axstivers)

Okay, on to today's subject matter.
According to the 'Twitter-verse', a good portion of you took a peek at the car chase involving the Houston Police and Harris County Sheriffs' Departments, and two perps rolling in a white Dodge Caravan. This 90 minute event was carried live by all the major news nets in addition to the locals. Seems like we as a culture will never become jaded to 'cop drama' - taped or live. But as I watched this chase, I began to take into mind the large audience that quickly jumped aboard, and the crazy marketing opportunities that could spawn out of something like this. So, after some thought, I have put together a few hypotheticals...

1. "This Ain't Your Mom's Caravan" - This has to be the easiest spin to come out of today's chase. Chrysler may be struggling financially, but it looks like their vehicles can really perform when required. I mean, the majority of police chases often see the perp vehicle breaking down from the rigors of police pursuit, but this Dodge handled the experience like a champ... and I do mean 'handled'. Not only did that van effortlessly cruise along the Beltway at around 100 mph, but managed to "dodge" the slower traffic with ease. And let's not forget the 10+ U-turns, dekeing around "stopsticks" and the curb-jumping. It even took a nice shot right the sliding door from a patrol car. If I were Chrysler, I'd be on the phone with my MD. "Grab Life by the Horns" (When you're not grabbing pavement with a HPD officer on top of you).

2. "Stopsticks, Stopsticks, Stopsticks" - Okay, first off, in no way am I one to put down the police. Many of my friends are in law enforcement, I greatly appreciate what they have to go through for us, and my father served for a state agency. Also, I understand that because of past pursuits, the HPD and area departments have had to rewrite a more conservative rulebook when it comes to chases. But if I had to take anything away from this chase, it is that there is a need for a more effective method for "stopstick deployment." Someone in product development needs to get on the ball quickly in order to reap benefits from this, because the entire audience saw two embarrassing 'whiffs' by officers trying to throw those stopsticks in front of the van.

3. Harris County Toll Road Authority - Sugar Land to Greenspoint in under 20 minutes?? Enough said. I'm SOLD!!

4. "Tow Trucks. We Help the Cops in More Ways Than One." - Did anyone else happen to see the ridiculous number of tow trucks already in the Greenspoint area when the chase was still going on? And few of them even tried to lend a hand by trying to block the Caravan. That's positive PR you can't write.

5. Greenspoint Chamber of Commerce - This actually falls on the opposite end of the marketing spectrum, as the police chase only adds to an already smudgy image for the area. When that Caravan started to linger around the mall and the hotels, Houstonians had to cringe, and then maybe grin.

Finally, I want to add something that we probably missed out on, and that's the possibility of opportunists seizing this event as a chance to promote themselves. I know it's a long shot, but I would loved to have seen one of those struggling, self-employed sales people with their product tattooed on their vehicle speeding along with the perp vehicle in order to get the free airtime. The only thing that would have made this event perfect is some poor self-promoter driving a car with either Mary Kay or MonaVie splattered all over it, getting into a fiery accident like Anthony Kiedis and Flea in 'The Chase'.

"Monster Madness!"

All in all, it was good to see the HPD come out as winners is all of this. But I'm telling you, there's always more that can come out, too. Marketers, you just have to be open-minded.

AX