The Creative Callsign

Parenting Fail on Parmer Lane

2010-08-16T08:06:00.001-07:00

What do you think of whenever you hear of a tragic incident involving a child who wandered off? Do you try to picture the child or the parents? Do you instantly want to know how something like that could have happened? Do you start passing judgment on those responsible?

Or rather, let's pretend that you spot a very young child standing on the street and simply kept driving by. Would you feel guilty for not stopping if you later heard that the child was hurt?

During my time as a news reporter, I was fortunate enough to not come across any grisly scenes of little children killed by traffic after wandering into the street. However, yesterday evening I was front and center to what could have been a very tragic event. And all of the above questions were racing through my head.

Around 7:00 Sunday night I was driving down Parmer Lane, heading to my usual softball game at Walnut Creek Park. Traffic was heavy and the flow of cars and trucks were running at a pretty healthy clip of about 50 mph. Following right behind me was my friend and teammate, John. As we approached the side street we were meant to turn right onto, we glided into the shoulder and started to slow down. Just as I was about to turn the wheel to make my turn, I suddenly noticed a figure on the road near the curb. It was not a traffic cone. Instead, a small boy – who couldn't have been older than three years – was simply standing two feet from the curb on one of the busiest and more dangerous intersections in north Austin. He was wearing a suit with a red vest, as if he was a ring bearer for a wedding, or maybe celebrating his birthday. Some quick thinking allowed me to widen out my turn and avoid clipping the little boy. Thankfully John followed suit behind me.

Heart rate going a mile a minute, I travelled about a hundred feet down the side street before pulling over. John had the same idea and pulled over in about half that distance. Being a father himself, John got out of his car and instinctively walked over to the boy. He asked the child "Whatcha doing? You okay?" and took him by the hand to lead him off of the road. At that time I was looking for the potential home that this boy belonged to. Fortunately that job was made easy when I saw a house with a moonwalk being used in the backyard.

I went to the front door and rang the doorbell – no answer. So I walked around the side of the house and approached a privacy fence with a gate. John caught up with me, holding the boy up by his shoulder. The gate to the backyard was open a little bit, so I immediately put two and two together on how this little boy got out to the street. I called out to anyone who would hear me, and after a moment passed someone finally approached to gate. John handed off the child to the man who answered our call.

"This little guy was out there on the corner. We just brought him back to make sure he was safe." John said sheepishly.

The man was straight-faced, almost as if he was trying to not show a reaction of any kind. He nodded and muttered an almost inaudible "Thank you" as he held the boy. A quick scan of the back yard saw three kids jumping around on the moonwalk, and another man sitting in a covered patio. An awkward silence moved John and I to back our way out of the yard through the gate. We were kind of confused by the lack of emotion by the man, or maybe it was the lack of gratitude. John later commented that if he ever had a lapse in judgment and some strangers returned his boy to him, he'd be buying them drinks and begging them not to tell anyone about it, especially the authorities.

As we resumed making our way to our softball game, I had a good feeling about what had just happened. John and I prevented a scenario that no parent would ever want to go through. But at the same time I couldn't help but smile as I thought about the Dave Chappelle bit where he's riding in a limo at 3:00 in the morning and he sees a baby standing on the corner.

Ad Gab: We're Officially 'Reaching'

2010-04-28T18:14:00.000-07:00

Over the last couple of days, I've stumbled across some of the newest television spots for some high profile and popular brands. Some of those campaigns have left me scratching my head. So, here are just a few observations that I came away with.

Case study #1: Weber Grills "Have Fun with It".

It's really odd to see bad dancing with spatulas come together with grills. I did notice the theme and that various grills are showcased in the BACKGROUND, but the message that I got was that grills do nothing but make for good background props. No cooking, no eating, no display of any benefits or what makes Weber grills stand out as a brand. It was just dancing. The sad thing is, this spot will become popular, but only for the song. Looking into the commercial even more, discussion boards were full of questions asking where people can find that song to download. Go figure.

Case study #2: Sony's TX-7 Cyber-Shot w/ iSweep Panorama feature.

TV spots and internet advertising focuses around Taylor Swift and how she can "capture all her fans" by scanning her audience with the camera. This ad campaign feels like it's only marketed toward rock stars and the only practical application is to take pictures of the crowd from the stage. Again, the appeal to the masses is unfortunately Taylor Swift, and many a consumer will grab that camera solely on the fact that she's "endorsing" it.

Case study #3: Gatorade's "G Series".

This observation is more about the actual product and how it's basically a marketing tool in and of itself. The first time I saw this campaign I thought to myself, "So, now I have to buy THREE products in order to get the most out of my 'hydration option.'?" Gatorade doesn't need to be in the "sports nutrition" racket. That makes as much sense as 'Axe' bath products coming out with an expensive line of car care products. The idea is to be 'not thirsty'. We're not trying to turn people into the 'Million Dollar Man.' That's what protein and an active lifestyle is for.

TwitterTalentedTen – March 11, 2010

2010-03-11T13:26:00.001-08:00

Well, in order for me to beat the downtown rush, I'm going to have to hammer out today's edition of the TripleT a little earlier than usual. Thank God for the AwesomeAustinites to always be reliable for a good crop of tweets. It's getting mighty interesting on the eve of probably the most anticipated SXSW event, Twitter announcing location-sharing tweets, and news of Conan O'Briens tour is also making a lot of buzz. Not to mention the largest group event currently on TweetVite – tonight's #BATHH. Leave it to the ATX to throw the BIG party right before the actual party is scheduled to fire up.

So this one goes out to everyone I'll be seeing tonight, and all the new friends I'll be meeting. Enjoy today's TwitterTalentedTen!

@BennRosales - If you thought u'd get your sxsw badge at 3 think again :)
@webanna - We were happy when we pulled up that the line for badges didn't go outside... It just wrapped around the inside!
@tronovision - I really enjoy it when a establishment gives out free swag pens. It makes it much easier to express your gratitude on their bathroom walls.
@katebuckjr - Will not be tweeting with my location bc i tweet ALLLLL the time, and sometimes I don't want u to know where i'm at! That's what 4sq is 4.
@heartsintexas - Getting downtown is going to suck. But i'm not afraid to hit hipsters with my car. #getoutheway
@Smmythe - This day is wasted; I am not. Life isn't fair.
@myerman - Ever since the advent of Twitter, I no longer have to wonder what our world would be like if we could read minds.
@baconator - after an hour of tweaking java memory settings, has settled upon a working model that's not crashing *TOO* much.
@ValerieKusler - Why do I find @ConanOBrien's facial hair so hot?
@EricKennedyATX - "Give me back that filet-o-fish. Give me that fish." Good luck thinking of anything else for the rest of the day.

Oh great! Now I discover that the High Tech Happy Hour is at 5:30 and a block away from the BATHH. Looks like another one to add to the dance card.

News Nostalgia: The Eagle Pass Tornado

2010-03-11T08:28:00.000-08:00

***From the Archives. Originally posted April 26, 2007***

I have suddenly come to the realization that it takes more than talent and drive to excel in my business. Although those traits still hold a lot of stock, you can't really go to work and show your worth until the right opportunity comes along.

Tuesday evening around 7:00 I was at a Hooks baseball game with a coworker. I had no clue that at THAT time, 230 miles to the west of us, a huge storm was tearing through parts of Eagle Pass, and the tornadoes it brought with it wiped out an entire subdivision. It destroyed 23 homes, an elementary school, and killed 11 people.

Throughout the night, I never heard about the disaster. I was too busy enjoying the game and then going out afterward. But I knew something was up when I got a call from work around 8:00 Wednesday morning.

"Get some comfortable clothes on. We're sending you to Eagle Pass. You're leaving as soon as you get here, so make it quick."

That was the conversation. So I still didn't have any clue of what was going on. All I knew that I was going to be across the state a few hours later, and I didn't know when I was coming back. I had no time to think (or pack extra), but I threw on a company polo and blue jeans and jumped in the car.

When I got to the station, photographer Manny was already packed to go. The bosses pretty much handed me a press release and pushed me out the door. There was no time to go over things, Eagle Pass was a long ways away, and I had 4 hours in the truck to put my thoughts together. As I read the article, I finally had my first clue on what all the commotion was about. But when I thought about it, I figured that only a few stations from San Antonio would be there. I never expected that I would be smack dab in the middle of a major media storm.

We got to the guarded perimeter of the disaster zone around 1:00p, and one of my greatest fears was playing out in front of me. A convoy of satellite trucks and other news vehicles were leaving the area. When we approached to enter the area, we were stopped by a wall of State Troopers and soldiers from the Texas National Guard. They told us that all of the media was being removed from the area, and no other news crews could enter. This presented a huge challenge in me doing my job. How were we going to put together a story if we couldn't get in to shoot the damaged neighborhood?

Well, the only way we could make due was to interview the survivors. Dozens of them were hanging out on a gravel parking lot on the outskirts of the perimeter. They were waiting to be allowed back into their neighborhood to salvage whatever belongings were left. When we spoke with them, they told us about the winds taking apart their homes and dropping cars and trucks in their yard - vehicles they had never seen in their neighborhood before. One man said that he even saw the lifeless body of one of his neighbors hanging from twisted power lines.

Eventually the State Troopers got their act together and ferried the media back into the disaster zone. Apparently, the reason they ushered us out was because Governor Rick Perry was coming to visit, and they had to "secure the area." This was my first chance to actually walk through what a tornado left behind, and the damage was amazing. It was at this time I noticed that everyone around me had a camera with them, and they were clicking away. I left mine back at home.

But in the middle of all the chaos and devestation, it finally hit me. It was as if all the other reporters and photogs that were there suddenly appeared out of thin air. I was 'competing' with stations from San Antonio, Houston and Austin. Even the national networks were there: NBC, FoxNews and so on. But I felt natural, like I belonged there, and it was one of the best feelings I ever had. The funny thing was, I was so set on doing my job that I didn't have time to look around and see if I could recognize anyone, but every now and then I caught someone else looking at me trying to do just that. It wasn't long after that when the shock of the day came along. Someone recognized me.

"Is that Alex Stivers?!!"

A person appeared from over my shoulder and came into view. I couldn't recognize him at first because of the sun's glare. "Hey buddy, it's James."

James Keith. Weekend Anchor/Reporter for the Fox29 in San Antonio, Sam Houston State alum, and an aquaintance of mine on MySpace and Facebook.
We chatted for a quick moment as we prepaerd for the Governor's arrival, but all the while I was still in shock that someone caught me all the way out in Eagle Pass.

Somehow, amid all the problems we ran into and the deadlines that were set up, we managed to turn out three stories. I wound up meeting several people from San Antonio and Austin stations, and even reporters from the networks. It felt good rubbing elbows with the "big boys." Even if it was for just one day.

But it was there that I learned that I would have never gotten the experience or the chance to do a little networking if it wasn't for that storm devestating the area, and my boss choosing me to run out and cover it. And it's factors like those that can really play a role in how quickly you move up in the world.

Well, here's hoping that someone out there took notice.

The Harbor Lights Story

2010-03-10T17:01:00.000-08:00

**Here's a story I haven't told in a while. While I always enjoy it, I think it's extra special because it involves a rare fun occasion with former colleague Lauren Petrowski. Enjoy!***

One of the first times I stood in front of a bunch of people and spoke was back in May 2006 for the SHSU Eubie Awards. I was the emcee for the night's festivities, and I actually had some decent material. But I had to ditch the gags after my very first joke was followed by the sound of crickets. The strange thing was, I was just being myself back then, but my peers were trying so hard to not seem entertained that they held in their reaction and I looked the fool. So ever since then, I've been a little skiddish when it comes to letting my personality flow. On most days I can talk up a storm and people are kicking me from under the table to get me to shut up. Then there are those days when I don't say much, and I'm a wallflower.

But thank goodness I was my usual outgoing self one December night back in 2006.

For those of you outside of Corpus Christi, the Harbor Lights Festival is the annual holiday highlight on the Bayfront, complete with music, the lighting of the big tree and the classic visit by Santa. It's a pretty big thing for the kids and the show's been popular considering it's been around for 25 years.

Well, since my then employer, Action 10 KZTV, was one of the primary sponsors, it was fitting that a pair of our own talent would emcee the night event. However, one of my coworkers who was scheduled to be part of the show called me up, and I couldn't even recognize her voice. She had been fighting some some throat illness and it seemed as if it had taken over. She lost her voice, and she was asking me to fill in for her. Did I mention that this was around 2:00 pm, four hours before showtime?

I graciously accepted, not just because I'm all about helping out the team and plug the station, but I felt this was an opportunity for me to put the name out there a little bit and get some exposure for myself. I'll admit it, I'm a bit selfish. So, with that pressure added, I prepped for the show.

Looking at the script, it read like a recycled 'Donnie and Marie' give-and-take. In addition to the corny language, the script was also very tight, and open to a lot of ad-libbing. Not the best situation with it being my first Harbor Lights and only having less than three hours to prepare.

Well, 6:00 rolls around and the ceremonies are off and running. Right alongside me is Lauren Petrowski (now of Fox 7 Austin fame), and she's about as nervous as I was. But to add to that, she was absolutely freezing with the 38 degree windgusts coming off the bay. I was shaking myself. But we started off by introducing ourselves and talking a little bit about our fondest holiday memory, I thought it was going to sound cheesy, but somehow we pulled it off.

Right after the first entertainment act, Lauren and I jump back on stage and we start going through the script once again. Unfortunately, there might have been some miscommunication behind the scenes, because the timing was off and the entertainment coordinator starts making appearances over my shoulder and whispering to stretch the material. The second act of the night was 20 minutes late, and Santa wasn't due onto the stage for another 8. So Lauren and I ran through the sponsers again and try to ad-lib some more. After that didn't work, we just went to the ol' faithful: holiday ambiance music while we waited for Santa's motorcade to make it to the stage.

During all of this, I'm holding a 17-page script in one hand and a microphone in the other. Right behind that, was a list of all the sponsors and event coordinators that I had to mention, those were on separate sheets. And whoever wrote and printed the script didn't put the page breaks in the appropriate places, so I repeatedly was having to stop and negotiate with the mic and flipping to the next page. And don't forget about the long pauses of me laughing at myself during the process. It was embarrassing.

Allright! Santa finally makes it to the stage, and the kids in the crowd are going nuts. There's a lot of good energy coming over the stage at this point, so I thought I would run with. I certainly had the blessing of the event coordinator, though, because she wanted Lauren and I to milk the Santa segment for all it was worth. So I broke into an impromptu news interview with Santa Claus. It took about three to four minutes, and I was asking him questions like "How's Corpus treating you?" and "Are the kids in South Texas naughty or nice?" Y'know, kiddie stuff.

Lauren went the extra mile and scooted down to the crowd to where the children were and got a few questions from them to relay to Santa. So her segment knocked out about three more minutes.

Eureka! We had actually filled a 7 1/2 minute hole in the program just by being ourselves and with a little bit of clever and quick thinking.

It was also in this segment where I ran through the list of sponsors again. When I came down the list to Whataburger, here's what I said...

"And you can't talk about Corpus Christi without bringing up Whataburger. They're an institution here, and you pretty much can't throw a rock in this town without hitting one."

When that last bit came out of my mouth, I froze. I couldn't believe that I said it, not to mention into a microphone in front of a couple thousand people. What was even more surprising that I actually heard a lot of laughs from the crowd. I really couldn't see who all was laughing because of the lights. But I definately heard them. I was so shocked that the bit actually worked, I started to crack up and laugh a bit under my breath. Just before I composed myself and was going to read through the rest of the list, I heard a voice shout from the left side of the crowd.

"That was good!"

Again, shocked from the positive response, I chuckled again. Only this time I turned towards the direction the voice came from and replied: "Thank you" as only I would in an embarrassing situation.

So the show went on. The second act finally showed up and did a good job. I then went back on stage and tossed it to a couple of radio personalities as they introduced the laser light show. Again, groovy time.

Then we finally lit the 75-foot Christmas tree. And that was impressive. Pretty cool that Lauren and I were on stage for that one. Then I introduced the headliner band, a kid named JW Cudd. After that was over, we finally wrapped it up and got outta there. Lauren had to get back to work, and I was at the end of a workday that started at 7:30 that morning.

All in all, it was fun. I'm not sure how much I acted the fool on that stage. I'm also not sure how the people responded to me. There were a lot of hiccups in the program and plenty of times where I might have come off as foolish, but I think everything was okay in the long run. The coordinators said that we did a great job, and that they were in awe that we could talk to no end and pad the show. Good deal, I guess.

But the great thing was, I was just being myself. I didn't come off as stiff and I was able to laugh at myself when things were going wrong. Not exactly sure how many people were watching, because I was blinded by the lights, but another coworker told me afterward that close to 10,000 people usually make it downtown for the Christmas tree lighting. Jeezum Crow! 10,000???? Maybe it was a good thing that I couldn't see those people.

Amazing how in just a few months I could go from small town MC who couldn't get a laugh out of small town crowd, to performing in front of a huge audience. I hope that can be considered a skill.

The Pitch

2010-03-10T16:18:00.000-08:00

As I make an attempt to resume a regular writing regimen (say that 3 times fast), I'm looking back on some stories for inspiration. This is one that took place back in '07 that I need to share, and I hope you enjoy it.

Back in June 2007, the news station I worked as a reporter for had a promotions day at a Corpus Christi Hooks game, and in all the pomp and circumstance, a representative from 6 News was slated to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.

The first choice for the honor was going to the ridiculously talented Miss Melissa Monti, whose love for the Red Sox escapes me sometimes. However, Monti had to work that night, and I was off, so by the law of convenience, our boss tabbed me to be the station's arm, much to the shagrin of the fiery northeasterner.

In the days leading up to that famous night, I kept wondering to myself if I should take the time to practice for the pitch. With all the intramural softball I played in college, I felt confident enough that I could get a baseball across a plate 60 feet away. So I put off practicing. The way I saw it, if I practiced too much, I would feel pressured to throw the perfect pitch when I was on the mound and make myself nervous. I didn't want to send the ball over the catcher's head, that would defeat the whole purpose of practicing.

Fast forward to the game. It was a great night for a ballgame, but I learned that all of the pregame festivities you see on the field are just one giant, highly-coordinated involuntary spasm of promotions - all of which need to fall on a specific point on the timeline before the start of the game. I was hoping to get a chance to warm up my arm a little before I had to make my big performance, but I soon realized that the countdown had begun, and the next thing I knew, members of the Hooks staff put a baseball in my hand and started pushing me out towards the mound.

"Wait a sec! Don't I get a chance to warm up?" I asked over my shoulder to the woman pushing me over the foul line.

"Maybe you should've practiced." she said. "Don't worry, just get out there on the mound, wave, and let 'er rip!"

I let out a long sigh and started clenching the horsehide in my hand. I stepped onto the rubber and looked toward the plate, where already a Hooks player was squatting ready to catch. Apparently he had done this thing before, and knew how fast things worked, too. That's when my heart started racing, and I could feel my arm starting to shake. The last thing I wanted to do was to come out looking like a fool. That's when my inner monologue decided to pipe up...

"Nice job, Champ! You're standing in front of thousands of people and for the first time in your life, you don't think you can pull this off."

I can do this. But my arm is cold.

"Don't worry. Throw it like you don't give a shit."

Good idea.

"Allright, then. Let 'er fly! They already announced your name!"

OH! Right!

So I drew my arm back and took a step towards the plate. The throw looked so easy, I didn't know what I was worrying about. I was about to release the ball when that damn voice in my head came back for one more shot.

"Dude! Did you forget to wave?"

It seemed like a flash of white shot across my eyes as I casually tossed the ball towards home plate. I watched as it sailed through that moist Corpus Christi air directly on target. I got a bit excited thinking that I was going to pull this off, and a little grin appeared on my face. But as I watched the ball make its way, I noticed that the "bottom started to fall out". The ball took a dive and just managed to hit the very front part of the plate before bouncing UP into the catchers glove.

The next couple hours were a blur. Mainly because I sat at the game with my hat pulled over my face.

The next day at work, I couldn't hear the end of it. My comrades and the photographers were giving me a very well deserved ribbing. I couldn't believe that I butchered a throw like that. I even had reporters from other stations calling and emailing me that I threw like a pansy.

But the worst part happened a couple weeks later. I was on a story riding with photog Mike when the latest edition of Bud Light's "Real Men of Genius" radio spots.

"Today we salute you - 'Ceremonial First Pitch Thrower Outer.'"

(Where are They Now? . . . Alex now plays a mediocre left field in rec leagues in Austin and Round Rock.)

News Nostalgia: "Let's Get Kicked Out of the American Bank Center"

2010-03-10T16:08:00.000-08:00

**From the Archives. Originally posted October 14, 2007**

Okay, so maybe I wasn't ACTUALLY kicked out of the American Bank Center, but in retrospect, I should've been.

While at work today, I was asked by my station's sports department to grab a little interview with a certain Houston Astros player with 2007 Rookie of the Year potential. (I refuse to say his name, seeing as how I am not a sponsor.) This player was signing autographs at a little event called "Best of the Best" and all I had to do was borrow 30 seconds of his time, ask him how it felt to be back in Corpus, and what fans are saying to him.

First things, first, though. I need to explain what "Best of the Best" is.
"Best of the Best" is the corporate version of South Texas corruption. The local news rag puts on a little event where the people can attend and vote for their favorite restaurant, dry cleaners, car dealer, meth lab, what have you. However, the paper sells ads and booths to many of its larger advertising clients, so the people attending this event can only vote for the companies in attendance. Therefore, the businesses that put up the most money will have a slight advantage on winning "Best of the Best." Pretty sneaky, right? Sounds a lot like our own government, doesn't it?

Well, this ugly little bit of democracy also includes news stations and news talent. For some reason I DO understand, my station chooses not to get involved and does not sponsor "Best of the Best." So needless to say, I'm not expecting to win the category "Best Local Male Reporter Between the Ages of 23 and 27."
Our two competitors - Channels 10 & 3 - do participate. But on this day, Channel 3 was the main sponsor.

So it was somewhat awkward to be walking around the convention center with my 6 News microphone seeking out said baseball player. (Again, not mentioning any names here.) When my photojournalist Rynnee and I finally got around to him, we set up shop and started filming him signing autographs.
After a couple minutes of that, I decided to grab the attention of a guy wearing a Caller-Times denim shirt, who appeared to be this baseball player's handler, to ask if I could ask him two questions. But before I could get a word out, he approached and stopped me.

"[He] isn't doing interviews today."

"Okay," I said. "So he's not going to be speaking with any station?"

Caller-Times guy replied. "Well, he's already done an interview with Channel 3."

I shot back a look at this guy that said: 'That doesn't fit the definition of Not Doing Interviews.'

"Channel 3's a sponsor. So they were allowed to."

Right then and there I realized what a bullshit operation this entire thing was. Just because some other station is a sponsor does not give anyone the authority to keep me from doing my job. So, I was determined not to leave that place empty-handed without an explanation. So I looked back over to Rynnee and gestured her to swing the camera my way. I raised my microphone and pointed it at Caller-Times guy's face.

"Could you repeat that so I can tell my producers why I can't do an interview?" I asked him.

Then Caller-Times guy pulled out the gauntlet.

"I'm not talking to you. And it you don't leave now, I'm going to have you escorted out of here."

Apparantly, "escorted out of here" must be magic words. Because security guards suddenly materialize whenever I hear them. Some guy in a white uniform appeared from behind a column we were standing next to.

Well, I wasn't going to go down in history as the reporter who was muscled out by the Caller-Times. So I simply put down the microphone and smiled my usual cocky smirk back at the Canadian Tuxedo.

"You know what? That's fine." I said. "I'm just going to chat with some friends somewhere else."

So Rynnee and I got out of there and headed back to the station with 40 seconds of a baseball player signing autographs. Not exactly what I would call productive.
But as I was playing the moment over and over in my head, I came up with the way I wish things would have gone. A way that would have definately been more productive...

(Call this the alternate ending..)

I raised my microphone and pointed it at Caller-Times guy's face.

"Could you repeat that so I can tell my producers why I can't do an interview?" I asked him.

Then Caller-Times guy pulled out the gauntlet.

"I'm not talking to you. And it you don't leave now, I'm going to have you escorted out of here."

"You know what?" I snapped. "I'm just trying to find a reason why I can't do my job. And if that's not going to be the case, you might as well drag me out of here."

Sure enough, security guards would show up and take me by the arms and start walking me out. And of course, I would shout at Rynnee to make sure to she was getting all of this on tape.

Caller Times guy would try to keep this from getting on our news, so he would catch up and put his hand over the lens of Rynnee's camera, causing the eyepiece to move back and hit her in the face.

"Haha!" I'd shout. "I got you now, sucker! I'm calling Channel 10, they'll run an assault story on you for a week!"

As we would get closer to the doors, I would wave to all of the Channel 3 TV personalities over at the Domingo Live booth that was there.

"I LOVE YOU, KATIA!" I would shout out. "YOU SUCK, HARWELL!"

And with one final show of shamelessness, I would topple over a stack of papers just as they shove me out the doors.

(And... Scene)

So whenever the "Best of the Best" awards are announced later on, just remember the load of crock those little ribbons represent.
And also remember that no one has the right to keep you from doing your job, especially when the same concession is made for a competitor.

Boycott the CallerTimes.
Never step aside, just step up.

AX

News Nostalgia: "Let's Get Kicked Out of the Hospital"

2010-03-10T15:56:00.000-08:00

**From the Archives. Originally posted October 13, 2007**

I've never been one to thumb my nose at authority. But on Friday, there were two occasions at work where I found myself being uncharacteristically defiant to men in uniform.

It started when a photographer and I were headed out to Port Aransas that morning to cover a boating accident. Apparently a fisherman was trying to get around a ferry leaving its launch and it crashed into the front. So when we arrived on the scene, we parked the news unit in a place we thought was okay near the ferry operations office. However, as we got out and started walking to where all the action was happening, I heard a voice call out from over my shoulder.

"Hey! You can't park there!"

I turned around and saw the modern version of Roscoe P. Coltrane (sans Flash). A tall, middle-aged fellow in a white uniform came out from behind what looked like a tollbooth, which was also behind a chainlink fence. I knew immediately that this man's sole purpose was to keep an eye on rogue vehicles parking near the station.

"It's okay!" I hollered back. "We're with the news, this won't take too long."

What came out this guy's mouth next surprised me.

"I don't care who you're with. You need to move your truck!"

"Whoa." I thought to myself. Not even REAL cops tell us to move our vehicles in that tone of voice. In fact, real cops don't really tell us to relocate all that much, because most real cops are actually cool. So I asked my partner Manny for the keys to the unit so I could move it, and I was walking back toward McGRUFF when I asked him where I COULD park.

His response was simple. "I dunno." he said as he shrugged.

What came out of MY mouth surprised me.

"Oh!" I snapped back sarcastically. "Thanks a lot!"

Just at that moment there was some conversation over the glorified crossing guard's radio. I thought I was getting kicked off of the ferry landing. In reality, it was someone from the office letting Cookie Cop know that for the moment, it was cool for us to park there. So Sipowitz waved us away and we went back to doing our job.

Fast forward to later that day, when my story sent me on a search for the victims of the boat crash. Unfortunately, I had to go looking for them at a hospital.

For those of you out of the media loop, the privacy policies at hospitals make it very hard to get information - PERIOD. Therefore, reporters have to use sneaky tactics in order to find people and find out what their statuses are. And thanks to a reporter in Amarillo sneaking into a hospital for a security story, we TV reporters are frowned upon in the medical circle. In fact, we're downright hated. (Why you gotta be hatin' hospitals??)

So I Inspector Clouseau'ed my way through the halls and made it to the emergency room. Dressed in my nice Friday duds, I acted the part of concerned citizen and asked if the hospital had treated the boaters involved in the accident. For a moment, they started looking through their computers to check. I was very surprised, thinking that I was going to get the information I needed without blowing my cover. I was just about to ask for the name of the victims when one nurse 'got smart' at the worst moment.

"Who did you say you were with?" she asked.

Well, I had to be honest. I didn't think they would buy my bit about being a casting director for 'Grey's Anatomy.'

"I'm Alex Stivers with 6 News." I said sheepishly.

The second I said it, the nurses eyes got very wide. Almost as if I had caught her in the act of something. Then, a scowl came over her face, and the face of the nicer nurse who was just about to help me. However, she had stopped what she was doing.

"Why does everyone give me that look when I say that?!?" I asked.

Then, almost as if he was summoned telepathically, a very old man in a blue security uniform appeared from around the corner. The nurse who asked me who I was came from around the desk lectured me.

"You need to go to the waiting room, and we'll have someone come see you."

So I complied and walked over to the next room and parked myself in a chair. It was your typical waiting room. I actually saw a cockroach scurry from the soda machine to the snack machine. It was about 5 minutes when a "head nurse" entered the room, and Deputy Dog was right behind her.

The two met me in the middle of the room, the nurse right in front of me, and the security guard flanked between us. He was giving me this strange 'old man - go to hell' look. I looked over at the nurse and shot her a look that said: 'who the hell is this guy?'

This head nurse spat out her statement as if she rehearsed it coming downstairs.

"He's here because you're here. All I can tell you is that you need to call our public information officer at this number." she said as he handed me a card. "But right now you have to leave."

In my usual cocky tone, I said "Fair enough." Then I casually made my way to the sliding doors to outside. I suddenly realized that Rent-a-Cop was following me out, as if it was his prescence that was making me put one foot in front of the other and leave.

I wonder if he has a little whiteboard in that broom closet office of his that has a tally of "TV Reporters Escorted Out." Such a spare.

And that's the reason I don't have health insurance. (Not really) :)

Table for Two, and Nothing Else

2010-03-10T15:53:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if there are any restaurants out there that already practice this concept, but I'm very surprised that most eating establishments don't focus thier business around it.

It's a simple idea. And it's sure to make everyone's dining experience much more enjoyable. How 'bout we take all the tables that only seat 2-4 people and put them in a room all by itself. And at the same time, let's keep all the tables that can seat the family reunions in a separate room.

One time I went out to dinner for Chinese. A friend and I wound up at a restaurant we had been in before and we figured that the staff - seeing that there were only two of us - would seat us somewhere quiet. Unfortunately they put us at a table "rowdy family adjacent."

The entire time I'm trying to listen to my friend, but instead I'm hearing all about how 8-yr-old "Bubba" is gonna "kick some ass" in Little League the next day. Also, I nearly lose my drink as kids were running through our section to get to the ice cream table first. Instead of telling them to be quiet, he families sitting nearby are trying to talk over their children, and I can't even hear the person across the table at that point. Now that I'm especially annoyed, I had to look over there. Sure enough, the family looked like something out of the 'Griswold family album.' "Bubba" was your typical overweight kid, and the Dad looked just like the kid proportionally. Mom even pulled out her cell phone and had a nice screaming conversation with who I'm guessing was a older relative who was hard of hearing.

Long story short, dinner wasn't 'superb.' They're lucky they didn't hand me a comments card. But in the past, I never gave it much thought whenever I was asked where I would like to sit. But the next time someone asks if I would like smoking or nonsmoking, or a booth or a table, I'm just going to ask them to take me where the kids aren't. Simple as that.

But wouldn't it make good sense for the food service industry to maybe recognize when a smaller group walks through the front door in contrast to a family with leashes on their children. I think if the whole is to try and please as many people as possible (because you can't please everyone), maybe they should try seating the couple away from the family.
Hey, just a suggestion.
AX

Call me...

2010-03-10T15:45:00.000-08:00

Call me 'Stivers.'

That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Life has launched me into another transition period. And in this time I've come to realize that name recognition is something that should be valued. You hear it so many times, "Oh, I'm horrible with names." Well, that's probably there are so many. And because there are so many people in this world, chances are you're going to run across two of the same name. Some people have more than one name, both by choice or by the antics of their friends or critics. But ever since I started working, it seems that one label has been attached to me, and I can't be happier that it's something as simple and as noble as my own last name.

Of course, my own identity has gone through a bit of an evolution. I've been called lots of things, including 'ego-maniac' (weird). The funny thing is, it all has come full circle. Because back in elementary school, teachers would mispronunce my last name all the time. (sti'v?rs) Kids would fix in on how frustrated it made me, so they spared no effort in rubbing it in and call me by the mispronunciation. Over the years, the nickname was shortened to just "Stivz." I learned to accept it that I even had a silver ring made with that name as the inscription. (Hey, I was 12, lay off. I know it's lame.)

That name stuck with me all the way through high school. It wasn't until college when some of my hockey teammates began to have a little fun with my first name. "Alexis", or "Alexea" were their way to call for a pass. In fact, on my 21st birthday, we were playing a tournament in Denton and someone had the great idea to go celebrate at a bowling alley. So, right up until midnight I hung out in the arcade. That's when I heard someone jump onto the PA system.

"Will 'Alexea Stiffers' please report to the bar? Again, 'Alexea Stiffers', report to the bar."

When I got there, there were shots waiting for me. Thanks guys.

I had to "retire" from hockey to focus on my schoolwork and the broadacst department at SHSU. During this time the movie 'Anchorman' was out on DVD, and not surprisingly it was the most quoted movie in the building. I was making a joke one day that I should change my first name to 'Champ', because my father did some research and suggested that most sportscaters have one-syllable first names. 'Champ' was an obvious reference to 'Champ Kind' from the movie.

So like an explosion, everyone at school started calling me 'Champ.' I actually accepted the role, because it fed into my ego quite nicely. Nick, a friend of mine, would greet me with a "The Champ is here!" whenever I walked into a classroom. I felt that I should have spent some money and gotten a belt made.

So now we come to the past 8 months, as I shrugged off the whole 'Champ' label and started fresh. Sure enough, my new friends at the station and outside began to simply say 'Stivers,' and it has stuck. Full circle, once again.

And honestly, I couldn't have it any other way.

AX... or better yet...

'Stivers'

TalentedTwitterTen – March 10, 2010

2010-03-10T15:10:00.001-08:00

Wow! It's been over two weeks since my last installment of the TripleT. For those of you who might have actually cared, my deepest apologies. I promise to be a little more regular with the posts from now on. I also plan on delving more into my writing; it's what I'm actually good at.

Coming soon: The Parrot Story.

But until that time, here's an extended edition of the TwitterTalentedTen to help make up for its absence. We've got hail, SXSW preps and just a whole lotta randomness. Just the way I like it. Enjoy!

@ATXFoodnews - My childhood favorite snack was a 1/4 of a slice of American cheese on a saltine, then toasted under the broiler.
@marlaerwin - The soundtrack to "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" lends a dignified urgency to basic HTML work.
@riotgrrrlie - my dain is bramaged.... #FUBAR
@heartsintexas - two bosses just noticed my new tattoo, are amazed i am the type of person to have several. clearly, they don't know me at all.
@katebuckjr - Branding trip. I mean,er, shopping. #samething (@ Marshalls)
@be3d - Apparently, I'm supposed to go big or go home.
@chrisandersonis - In heaven there is an overabundance of wide open downtown parking spots.
@understandblue - Firefox daily crash! Can someone please invent a firefox crash bingo game? K thx bai
@Smmythe - Walked a mile in 4-inch heels. When onlookers shook their heads, I yelled, "This world is my catwalk, you loser."
@HaleyOdom - Accidentally grabbed fingernail polish remover instead of rubbing alcohol to clean a cut. Yeah, that was intense pain I just felt.
@JennaSnacks - I love the smell of a freshly signed contract! YUM.
@myerman - @JennaSnacks the only thing better is a freshly signed check that arrives in the mail.
@erincargile - That hail totally came out of nowhere
@baconator - holy hail, batman
@SklarBrothers - Leavin WholeFoods is like leavin a strip club. U just spent tons of cash, & u got nothing to show for it but a boner u gotta deal with.
@EricKennedyATX - A guy just remarked that the weather had gotten better. "Those animal sacrifices are finally working out." I don't think he was lying.
@DougBenson - Downtown Austin just had the best two minute storm I've ever seen. Would've been perfect to have sex to. If I could last that long.
@drdanfrench - "LlOL." (in the Llama chat room)
@parttimeadult - Just made coffee for the first time. It tastes like black water, and it spilled everywhere. I'm pretty sure I did roughly six things wrong.
@BryanGutmann - When you're poor, your diet consists of whatever you have the most of in the house. Hello, Nutella and carpet.
@EMooreBlog - Final Fantasy XIII was released today. 13?!? There doesn't seem to be anything very final about these fantasies.
@andreagrimes - #beingasinglelady is worth the money saved in shaving cream.
@omarg - At the gym, doing my pre-#SXSW workout: panel crunches, keynote lifts, core convertion core stretches, party push-ups.
@RealAustin - Dear wordpress, I'm trying to make a list on my blog, please stop turning my 8) in to a smiley face, k?
@PunkSoda - do u think cory feldman woke up in the middle of the night knowing something was wrong? think he felt it? #The80s Corey Haim

TwitterTalentedTen – February 24, 2010

2010-02-24T15:17:00.001-08:00

Well, aside from a tragic event at SeaWorld Orlando, bipolar Austin weather and a phishing bug hacking peoples' accounts, things were pretty much 'business as usual' on the Twitter scene.

Perhaps it's the calm before the storm that is March here in the ATX. But I'll be damned if I can't find and share the tweets that deserve more love.

Here ya go, blogosphere. Your TalentedTwitterTen for today.

@austindirtydog - I mean, really? Can our weather BE more bi-polar? Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings :)
@Smmythe - Good for Shamu. Sometimes, a brother gotta stand up and fight.
@ValerieKusler - Hummer is shutting down. A win for the environment and all non-douchebags. http://twurl.nl/nr2sve /via @pfishy, @jtbrighton
@austindirtydog - Using Twitter.com after being used to Tweetdeck, etc. feels like rubbing sticks together to get fire. Wouldn't do well on Survivor.
@Smmythe - Well, Utah passed a bill today criminalizing misscarriage. So, um, if you have one, let that be your little secret.
@dgriff123 - These damn ass RACIAL McDonalds Commercials drive me fuckin NUTS!!! All black people dont look and act like that.
@melissaella - #LastTweetAboutTheSnowIPromise ok, i just wanted to use this tag. (NOTE: That was MY hashtag, haha!)
@lizwinks - Dear AT&T, you suck, you suck, you suck and I HATE you. Loathe you. Thank you Google Voice (email SMS) for existing.
@andreagrimes - USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA // we just beat Switzerland in men's hockey! // #olympics // USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA
@EricKennedyATX - Just looked up the lyrics to "Kiss From A Rose." Makes so much more sense now! #badabadadadaahyaya

BTW, a special shout to @EMooreBlog, he's back from illness and aiming to take the stage tonight, per his tweet – "I'm planning to perform @KickButtComedy Open Mic at 8 pm tonight. I'll be trying out new short bits."

Later, gators!

TwitterTalentedTen (SnowDay Edition) – February 23, 2010

2010-02-23T12:00:00.001-08:00

Woke up this morning to a familiar sound; the sound of sleet hitting the window. However, when I opened the blinds I discovered that it was actually large clumps of snow hitting the window. Austin was about to experience a very rare 'Snow Day.' I immediate started anticipating a slew of entertaining tweets from the 'AwesomeAustinites'. But first, I had to satisfy my own need for being goofy and going bonkers for the snow.

I want to give a shout out to @megankeate who caught up with me at the SXSW Interactive Mixer last night. She took the time to compliment the blog and the TwitterTalentedTen.

Also, if anyone's still buzzin' from the USA Hockey win over Canada earlier this week and would like to get more into the sport, this weekend offers a great opportunity. (Goes great with this weather.) The Texas Stars play three games – Friday and Sunday at home, and the Saturday game will be televised on FSN from San Antonio. The Stars will be hosting a viewing party (always fun) at Contenders Sports Bar in Cedar Park. I'll be hitting up each event this weekend, so if anyone is inclined to come along, please feel free to gimme a shout.

All right, enough stalling. I now turn things over to today's TripleT. Enjoy the snow, everyone – before it turns to slush.

@austinssc - Non-sanctioned Austin ssc snowball fights all over the city today! Fun for a day now let us play!
@laniar - this is what austin is about to be like: http://post.ly/PDn9
@ValerieKusler - I took my cats out in the snow to experience it... they did not appreciate.
@ormaybe - can I still go running in the snow? or is that like a surefire way to fall on my ass? argh I should have gone yesterday when it was freezing
@andyhite - Today will forever be known as The Austin Snowpocalypse.
@melissaella - take that dfw. it can snow in austin too.
@baconator - Since it's not freezing, I still wore shorts. Wimps. :)
@AnthonyAusten - Who wants to test drive an Acura AWD today in the snow??? Hello anyone ??
@DareToBrand - Freaked out Austin "snowed" leapord... http://yfrog.com/3l68oasj
@sheilahippert - I think it's my chihuahua's turn to experience snow, brb! :)
*BONUS* @katherinestolp - You know ppl who say, "Austinites just can't drive in this weather!" I think I'm one of those drivers. Sorry! #mopacwaskindascary Be safe!
*BONUS* @wesley83 - Raise your hand if you're not scared to drive in the snow. {Raises Hand}
*BONUS* @IleenieWeenie - Austinites must live out their winter fantasies over one 12-hour period every 3 to 5 years.
*BONUS* @austingunter - My buddy just postponed a presentation on preventing procrastination because of the snow.... #ironic
*BONUS* @FiveOne2010 - Automatic DMs for following are so passé. I'm JUST sayin', people.
*BONUS* @chasl - Afternoon meeting canceled "because there's too much snow" ~file this under #Austinfirsts
*BONUS* @JennaSnacks - I have been talking to myself off and on all afternoon, but it was just pointed out to me that I've started answering myself.
*BONUS* @stephenesurefire - True, true... RT @KatieRose1988: The reaction to snow in Austin must be like the reaction in Seattle when it stops raining.
*BONUS* @erincargile - Brave souls! Swimmers were still doing laps in Barton Springs in speedos during today's snowfall!
*BONUS* @stevebuttry - @statesman: A case study in using Twitter on breaking news (#ATXplanecrash coverage). http://bit.ly/cVnIXC

And whaddya know, here comes another round of snow. Maybe it'll be a precursor to an evening edition of the TripleT.

Thanks everyone!

TwitterTalentedTen – February 22, 2010

2010-02-22T12:53:00.001-08:00

Wow. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the 'Mondays.'

Maybe it's the fact that today's weather can't hold a candle to yesterday's blessing (or so I hear, I was stuck in a studio all day yesterday). Or maybe because we all feel like we're bracing ourselves for even worse weather. But while going through the 'tweets du jour' I sensed a bit of snarkiness.

It's understandable, friends. It seems when we get closer to springtime, we're working more for the weekend than usual. I know I am.

BTW, I hope to see lots of ya at the SXSW Mixer this evening. Here's an obvious 'Mondays' edition of the TripleT… enjoy.

@baconator - Scars tell better stories.
@apizzagirl - Apparently cute(ish) nerdy girls are in demand. Who knew?
@elizs - Dad told us this wknd that he's voting in the Republican primary to vote against Perry. Wonder how many others are possibly doing the same?
@laniar - dear PR industry, please stop using the word "revolutionize" on every frickin press release you send me. kthxbai :)
@ValerieKusler - My newest least-fave business buzzword: socialize, used like circulate. No no!
@marlaerwin - So, AT&T — you know SXSW is coming around again, right? #phonefail
@marlaerwin - Yesterday: 78 and sunny. Tomorrow's forecast: sleet and snow. Texas weather, you are one crazy bitch.
@andyhite - I want to verb your adjective noun.
@MasterPancake - LEFT BEHIND didn't tell us. RT @bog_marsh What happens to non-Christian pregnant women during the Rapture? Do they become water balloons?
@heartsintexas - oh, it's supposed to "snow" tomorrow? riiiight. go for it austin. show me what you've got. i have a feeling i will not be impressed.

TwitterTalentedTen – February 19, 2010 (Special Edition)

2010-02-19T18:50:00.001-08:00

Leave it to Austinites to keep this creative train going. Here's a bonus "Friday Night" edition of the TripleT to post before I join the hoopla downtown. Enjoy!

@Smmythe - When giving a prospective employer my salary requirements, I always start at 10 million. And go from there.
@DaretoBrand - When I picked my son up from school today he handed me a cd to play. "Led Zep rocks!" he said. He's 8.
@StaryyEyedTX - Dear Chapman Motors - Yesterday a plane flew into a building. Having a plane flying low in the same area today advertising? Epic FAIL!
@Smmythe - Just choked on my own burp.
@stretch_aye - Hey Rick Perry your ads have convinced me not to vote for Kay Bailey, and your record tells me not to vote for you, Thanks.
@lizwinks - I love that my mom a) ignores the "busy" status on gchat, b) ignores me when I tell her I am busy, and contines to ask me 20 questions. #mom
@technopriest5 - Tablecloths: the wingman of public handjobs.
@jennijones_tx - First time at Roaring Fork happy hour. Umm, it's awful dark in here...
@clevemarine - Hey the average American think Marine Drill Instructors are mean....we are...but they usually associate Drill Instructor = Male... the Meanest - and I mean THE meanest - Drill Instructors are the female Drill Instructors whewwwwwww. They even made me blush....
@austinpixels - Pub crawl at the Ginger man, holy fire code violation!
*BONUS* - @100degreehockey - Texas Stars Ice Girls are *much* better than any of the other ice girls I've seen at any other AHL games on AHL Live.

TwitterTalentedTen – February 19, 2010

2010-02-19T12:39:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone!

I tend to spend an insane amount of time on Twitter, and the only qualm I have is that sometimes I feel I don't have anything more to offer other than my random witticisms and thought provoking ReTweets. Meanwhile, I am constantly entertained by some of the comments that come from the people I follow on Twitter. So, in the spirit of 'Twitter Tracker' from the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, I thought it might be fun to share some of those thoughtful and creative tweets here on The Creative Callsign.

From now on, I am going to attempt on a daily basis to share ten of the most entertaining, funny, insightful and even random tweets that I come across. Please note that this is not an attempt to 'bird dog' anyone on their intellectual property. Instead, consider it a tribute to those who keep Twitter interesting.

I humbly welcome you to the first installment of The TwitterTalentedTen, or the "Triple-T".

@omarg - E-mail: "Please be a little more open minded and do actual research on future stories." [Well, I will sure try, but that sounds hard.]
@IleenieWeenie - Dear @laniar: Even tho I'm about 15 yrs older than u, can I come w/ u to bring ur daughter 2 wk day? Must learn secret 2 ur badassery. #ff
@andyhite - For a lot of us in the web industry, every day is casual Friday...so let's make Friday Tieday! #fridaytieday
@SklarBrothers - Thank God news about Gordon Lightfoot's death was just a hoax. Now he can go back to making music to which most people are indifferent.
@ormaybe - take shower. towel dried off. realized I had forgot to shave. got back in to shave. get out. realized I only shaved on leg. got back in. fml
@elizs - slowly growing to hate my "Wild Words from Wild Women" pg-a-day calendar. It's not at all empowering. Grr.
@sacca - Dear NBC, it's come to this: My mom's watching the Olympics live on Canadian TV and texting me the skiing play-by-play.
@BryanGutmann - Black History Month with a black president. Yet the only thing on TV is white dudes skiing in Vancouver. Weakest Black History Month ever.
@drdanfrench - After Morse, there's a really huge drop-off on our awareness of codes.
@AndriaStanley - I fall in love all over again with my kids... when they are napping.
*BONUS* -- @tronovision - It's never been a better time than now to teach your kids about the Wu-Tang Clan.
*BONUS* -- @alexstivers - Keep Austin Weird… not Crazy. (I'm not one to usually plug my own stuff, but I was really proud of myself for this line.)

Thanks for playing everybody!

Make sure to check out these great Tweeple and many others on my AwesomeAustinites and Comedy lists on Twitter!

It's an Election Year. Should I Clean Up My Tweets?

2010-02-17T07:41:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago, a family friend requested me as a 'Friend' on Facebook. This individual also happens to be running for public office. On the account that this person is an actual friend, I accepted the request, but it does raise the question: Should I tone down the use of tweets or status updates that might be controversial, for the sake of that person running for office?

There are two factors that can make this situation into a negative ordeal: assumptions and context. For one, outsiders will look through the list of people a politician "follows" on Twitter, and they could assume those are people the politician associates with. And two, who's to say that a muckraker from an opponent's campaign spends time looking through the tweets of the people on that "Following" list, finds something to take out of context, and then makes it a political arguing point?

Now, I haven't been asked to change my behavior when it comes to tweets and status updates. But if it ever came to that, I doubt that would comply. I don't think a person running for office would even follow me if he/she thought that my material was going to be a problem for them. Besides, they should let their own campaign managers worry about that stuff.

Also, if a researcher from an opposing campaign took the time and trouble to dig through my timeline and actually find something to take out of context, then I would tip my hat to them. Because the only person who even attempted to do that was bats**t crazy.

But that's just my opinion. How do you feel?

Trying to Shake the Internet Marketing Stigma

2010-02-15T19:05:00.000-08:00

Being critical of one's own profession isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Those who can identify the problem areas within their industry or field that most people frown upon work the hardest to improve their brand. With a little hard work and hopefully a dash of positive karma, good salespeople won't have to go through the dirty tricks to garner more conversions.

That's why 'Internet Marketing' is such a dirty word to me. So many people out there selling products online have resorted to using the internet as a shooting gallery, and we're the ducks. It's all a numbers game to them, there's no strategy or researching of their target consumers. To make matters worse, these homebound internet marketers are disciples of so-called "Internet Marketing Gurus", whose secrets are nothing more than fancy words to rename a product or telling them to sell to everyone.

As an account executive for Website Representative, I understand that it's easy to be associated with the internet marketing types. But I also make it a point to explain that we pride ourselves in following the basic rules of a high-performance brand:

- Have an innovative product.

- Be creative and original in delivering your message.

- Stay true to your original mission.

- Stay true to your customers.

So here are a few facts and personal rules that I aim to follow in order to help Website Representative become the quality brand our clients deserve.

1. I don't sell theories. I sell concepts and solutions.

2. Don't treat Social networks as giant electronic rolodexes of sales leads.

3. Business/customer relationships are a lot like regular relationships - you have to establish some dialogue and trust before committing to each other.

4. There are many reasons to hate internet marketing gurus. Don't follow them, don't turn into one.

In addition to establishing your business as a brand, it's important to present yourself as a brand of your own. Because I don't consider myself just an account man. I have much more to offer the world.

Who would you rather do business with - a product or a person?

Is the new Facebook format backfiring?

2010-02-14T18:15:00.000-08:00

I first noticed the 2010 Facebook redesign hours before the majority of my friends discovered the change, and for the most part I really didn't have a strong opinion negatively or positively. To me, nothing much had really changed except for a streamlined panel and moving the 'Home' button to the other side of the page.

But as the day moved along, I started to hear the rumblings of a frustrated group of Facebookers tired of seeing their preferences reset, and for about a week I didn't completely understand their concerns. It wasn't until today when I realized a change in my own social website preference that I figured out a theory behind Facebook's change and why I've found myself leaning towards Twitter more and more each day.

Before this month, about 80% of my attention in social media was focused on news and updates on Facebook. The rest was devoted to Twitter and LinkedIn. Today, I can honestly say that ratio has been completely inverted. I'm borderline addicted to Twitter, and I have begun to look at the Facebook tab in my browser with more annoyance than anything else.

What could have caused this? Here are a few guesses...

1. Facebook redesign is aimed to promote revenue generating games.

Facebook says that it takes the time to take the most relevant updates and content and places it in your News Feed for your 'convenience.' However, I'm starting to see more updates about FarmVille, MafiaWars and the like. This is always a turn off for me.

2. 'Phantom' Notifications

I'm not sure if this is happening to anyone else, but recently I went through all of my "Apps" on Facebook and deleted them (except for Bejeweled. I'm addicted). But, I'm still getting a couple of chirps in my Notifications box from apps I've long resigned myself from, and apps I haven't seen before. Again, another turn off.

3. Tweetups

Perhaps it's the timing, but Thursday I attended my first ever tweetup, and it completely changed the dynamic of Twitter for me.

4. Quality of Conversation

I feel it's a good idea to insert a bit of separation between the two social websites. For me, since I've had Facebook since my college days, I kinda keep it more on the personal side and only include friends, family and former coworkers. Meanwhile Twitter, for me, is reserved more for the professional and entertainment side, trying to incite dialogue through article exchange and (poor) attempts at humor. :) But these days, I'm starting to realize that the status updates I read on Facebook are very boring. On the other hand, I anxiously wait for more tweets. Could it be that because I choose the people I follow on Twitter that I'm more entertained and informed, while at the same time the Facebook friends I've accepted over the last 4 years simply don't have anything interesting to say anymore?

So, I guess it's a combination of things. But the last few days, I've been thinking that Facebook might want to tread lightly from now on and avoid any more drastic changes. When the pursuit of revenue starts to obscure the true nature of the original brand that is Facebook, people might jump ship.

Remembering Joe: The Camping Trip

2010-01-20T10:05:00.000-08:00

***NOTE*** This is a small tribute to my father Joe Stivers, who passed away on October 10, 2008. Please visit Remembering Joe Stivers for more information.

Happy birthday, Dad.

I miss you so much, as I do every day. This morning I woke up and immediately thought of you, and wondered what you would be doing for your 62nd birthday if you were still here with us. Perhaps a trip to Galveston? Or maybe a trek closer to this way? Either way, I know you would have had fun.

Today, I remember that little camping trip we took back when I was 10 years old. Well, not so much a 'camping' trip, but rather waking up and leaving the house at 5:00am, driving out to some point in the wilderness and cooking breakfast over a fire. Those were the best sausage and eggs I've ever had. Thank goodness you had the foresight to bring pepper - your preferred seasoning.

Not far from the spot where we had breakfast, there was a babbling brook filled with small rocks. I clearly remember when you took a quarter from your pocket and placed it underneath the one pale rock that stood out from the rest. You told me that if we ever returned to that spot, the quarter would still be there.

And sure enough, when we returned to that little plot of land somewhere north of Huntsville two years later, we found that same rock and the same quarter undisturbed. Again, we left the quarter underneath the rock so that we could rediscover it if we ever returned.

Well, Dad, it seems that you are the only one who knows exactly where that quarter is today. Because I cannot remember the location of that piece of land for the life of me. Maybe someday, either by coincidence or some strange force of nature, I will find myself standing on the edge of that brook looking down at that pale rock. But until then, that quarter will remain as evidence of our visit, and one of the fondest memories I have.

Mom and I miss you so much, Dad. We always send out our love to you, and keep you in our prayers.

Your loving son,
Alex

Schizophrenic Hockey All-Star Games

2010-01-19T10:01:00.000-08:00

As a former player, coach and even administrator of hockey on several levels, I hold the sport very close to my heart. But there are times when I have to show the game a little bit of tough love. I'm sorry, hockey. But you're getting a spanking today.

Well, not as much the actual sport of hockey, but rather the leagues running the show and their befuddled marketing directors who reek of desperation trying to woo new fans. In their attempts to make the game more marketable to a wider audience, they have instead made certain traditional elements confusing and even laughable.

Case in point...
Tonight the American Hockey League will hold its annual All-Star Game, which deserves much attention for two reasons. One, the league is very talented and entertaining with a lot of players who will certainly by the future of the sport. And two, the NHL will not be holding its All Star game this year, as its players will instead be participating in the Winter Olympics. Last night the Skills Competition was televised on Fox Sports Net, and I cringed when I discovered the names of the squads competing tonight:

"Team Canada" versus "Team Planet USA."

What?! Did I accidentally change the channel to 'Space Jam?' Why in the world do hockey leagues come up with these insane team designations? They're destroying the identity of the event and making it confusing to the outside hockey fan.

The obvious answer is because they want to showcase the fact that the game is an international sport and to keep things fresh. What they don't realize is that these decisions cause the All Star Game to stray from the original concept. The league is made up of teams, not countries. So, All Star candidates are players who stand out as top performers on their own teams, not based on what nations they hail from.

All of this started when the NHL experimented with its All Star Game back in the 90s, and changed it from a Western Conference vs Eastern Conference affair, and replaced it with North America vs The World. For a couple years, the concept was applauded. But like any form of novelty, the shine wore off and the format reverted back to East/West.

Sadly, the minor leagues didn't follow suit. Instead they presented more crazy ideas just to grab the attention of the one-time hockey-goer. Some were original and clever, but they all presented more cons than pros.

Example #1: 2000 IHL All Star Challenge: Houston Aeros vs. IHL All Stars
At the time this event took place, I was an excited 19-year-old Aeros fan who followed the home team and could still feel the excitement of the squad's Turner Cup victory the year before. And, I thoroughly enjoyed the game, as it was a close one with Houston winning 5-3. But in retrospect, I now realize some flaws this format presented. For one, it was a thrill for Houston fans to have the All Star Game pitting the home team against the best of the league. But I'm sure it alienated all of the other local hockey markets in the league, and probably some deserving players were not selected to the roster.

Example #2: 2010 CHL All Star Game: South Texas vs. Team CHL
First off, to a casual hockey observer, the name "Team South Texas" in a hockey game invokes a sense of shock and confusion. Hosted in Laredo, the format of this all star event took the better players from the three Central Hockey League franchises located in South Texas (Corpus Christi, Laredo and Rio Grande Valley) and matched them up with the better players from the rest of the league. Like the previously mentioned Houston scenario, I'm sure a lot of other franchises in the league were scorned by this format, and it was obvious that the "game" was more of a spectacle catered to the local fan base. Is it a coincidence that the home team almost always wins in this kind of format?

It's all about appealing to the new money and corporate sponsors, and it takes away from the tradition of the event. Remember, the All Star Game is supposed to be a celebration of the sport and the league's best players.

If you want an international feel to the sport, remember that there is a tournament every two years called the Junior Worlds, and it's probably the most entertaining tournament out there.

But don't give me a 'Team Canada' and a 'Team Planet USA', host the game in Portland, Maine, and then tell me it's special.

Oh yeah, and don't even get me started on that horrific production that was the Skills Competition last night.

AX

Broken Rules on the First Date

2010-01-19T09:35:00.000-08:00

Even though most of us consider ourselves to be 'free spirits' who tend to gravitate away from the rules, there are some instances when it helps to be a little grounded. The following story actually took place a couple months ago, and I woke up this morning compelled to share it with you.

During lunchtime on that Wednesday back in December, I did something truly pathetic. I went to a restaurant by myself. However, my self-esteem wasn't decimated, thanks to a probable Craigslist casual rendezvous involving a somewhat attractive blonde and a creepy denim enthusiast. I was seated one booth away from two adults having what appeared to be a Blind date, considering their conversation. It was either that, or this 'John' was being very nice to an escort taking her to lunch. Anyway, it was something right out of a comedy, and quite entertaining. To describe it, let me tell you the rules that were broken by the guy...

Broken rule #1: On a first date, a Chinese restaurant is a good pick. But not a Chinese BUFFET restaurant.

Broken rule #2: Unless it is a famous celebrity or a political figure, avoid talking about how somebody died.

Broken rule #3: When you give someone a compliment, never add a clarifier. Such as "You look really good... for 44 years old."

Broken rule #4: DON'T MENTION THE WIFE!!!!!

Broken rule #5: Never admit that you're not "all that romantic".

Broken rule #6: Try letting her talk once in a while.

Yes, it was a pretty nasty experience for both the lady and for myself, as it was also very painful to listen to. However, it was still the most entertaining eavesdropping I've ever done, even more entertaining than the time I was lounging on my back stoop and heard the phrase "You better not be pregnant!" shouted from the other side of the privacy fence.

The event also reminded me that when it comes to dating, there really isn't a book of universal rules to follow, only broken rules.

AX

THROWBACK POST - "Friendly Skies?"

2010-01-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

***NOTE*** - This is a blog entry from November 22, 2006 from one of my former blog sites. I've added it to this site to prove that I can be topical every now and then. Enjoy!

All right, pull up a chair because this one's gonna be a doozy. As you may know, my work allows me to access many of the news stories around the world that fall through some of the cracks, but not all of them. Well, several events came up today that stirred up this diluted pot that I call a brain, and with it being laundry day (again), I found the time to rant about them. I'll try to keep 'em funny, and clean as possible. So here we go...

With Thanxgivin' around the corner, many of the topics have to center around the travel that goes with it. Sure enough, with the panicky nut jobs that are influencing the policymakers, a trip on an airliner isn't the afternoon picnic that it once was. Yes, I know that we have a whole other group of idealistic raisin-cakes to thank for that, but I think we're crossing some lines, here.

It appears that even KISSING on a plane is enough to get you and your lady knocked onto the taxiway. This was sparked by a couple on a Southwest flight outta L.A., where the guy had his face pressed against the lap of his significant other. No one is exactly sure of whether he was trying to listen to her fallopian tubes or simply taking a nap, but it was apparently making someone else uncomfortable (or probably jealous). That couple was kicked to the jetway by officials citing the Patriot Act. What kind of crap is this?? I've been busted many times for PDA, but never had I seen someone wave a government document at me telling me to break it up! If anyone sees something like that in the Patriot Act, please underline it and send it to me.

Are people that uptight on a plane that seeing someone else getting to first base is going to inspire them to get them kicked off? I can see it now...

"Those damn kids in front of me can't keep their hands off each other. Well, they won't be making it to Vegas today if I have anything to say about it!"

Take it easy, pops! Those kids are doing the most ideal thing to make a long-ass plane ride seem remotely enjoyable. Think about the last time you made out. It seemed like 10 minutes, right? But then you check the clock on the wall and two hours have past (Yeah, that's how I work it). That uptight guy is just jealous because those people are cozy with one another and he's stuck between a dude he doesn't want to brush up against and another person who belongs in two cabin seats instead of one.

Another topic that has come up in the news is the boycott of Delta Airlines by a group of mothers. A breastfeeding mom was kicked off a plane not too long ago after refusing a blanket offered by a flight attendant to cover up the act. Now, moms, dads, and kids are forming 'sit-ins' across the country at Delta ticket counters to protest. I know that there are people out there who say that those kind of personal moments are best kept at home and out of the public view. But for me, a guy who has sat beside, behind, and in front of many crying babies, I'm all for it when it's on a plane. I will never be grossed out by a mom breastfeeding, because I know that's probably the only thing keeping that little bugger from screaming between takeoff and landing. Shoot, if they ever ask me again if I want an aisle or a window seat, I'm just going to respond by saying: "You know of any breastfeeding mothers on board?"

That reminds me. Airlines are always asking what kind of seat that you like, but you never know many of the details. To me, all seats are the same two and a half foot wide torture chairs. But if I knew that there was a hottie sitting in Row 13, Seat B, you know I'd be the first in line clamoring for the seat right next to her.

And don't say that you're not that shallow. I guarantee that everyone reading this has looked an attractive member of the opposite sex up and down while first boarding a plane. For me, I make it a point to. Because the SkyMall magazine isn't gonna entertain me for the next two hours. But having some eye candy to think about the entire way makes for an enjoyable trip.

Which brings me back to those hypocrites who hate on the nookie on the planes. Let's not forget that they are the generation who brought us the "Mile High Club."

Finally, another bothersome bunch of creatures are now making it really hard to be a Muslim and on a plane at the same time. A group of six passengers (who just so happened to be Muslim) were booted off a plane in Minnesota because someone passed a flight attendant a note. The gist of the note explained that the men were praying and it was making other passengers nervous. Are people so stupid and scared that anyone who bows their head during departure is immediately a terrorist? Hey, I myself have been known to say a few words to God while the plane is taxiing. It doesn't make me an enemy against America. I just want to get from Point A to Point B in one piece. Is that too much to ask for? Just to be a sarcastic ass, the next time I see someone clutching a crucifix and whispering on a plane, I'll speak up: "Hey buddy. Knock that stuff off or I'm getting the stewardess."

Let the people pray, for cryin' out loud. That's how you know that they're not terrorists. The last thing that those people want to do is draw attention to themselves. You want to kick someone off a plane? Go after the shady looking character with the unibrow not saying anything who keeps looking at his watch every two minutes. BTW, you don't have to be Muslim to be a victim of these scared inbred imbeciles. An Orthodox Jewish man was kicked off an Air Canada flight for praying, which attendants claim was making other passengers nervous.

Finally, let's reminisce about the good times of travelling, back when people dressed in their Sunday best and kept to their own damn selves. Now, you've got these sweaty beasts wearing just a thin layer of officially licenced NASCAR t-shirt, and all they want to do is interrogate the person next to them. And half of those people want movies to be made after them, so they think they're gonna pull off the nicer version of 'Flight 93': where the terrorists are taken down but the plane doesn't leave the ground.

Trouble is, there are hardly any terrorists on planes these days. They don't need to be, seeing as how we've made air travel dangerous enough with our own paranoia.

AX

THROWBACK POST - "The Harbor Lights Episode"

2010-01-19T09:08:00.000-08:00

***NOTE*** - This entry was originally posted December 3, 2006 on one of my former blog sites. I felt it was worthy of a second glace. Enjoy!

The last time that I stood in front of a bunch of people and spoke was back in May for the SHSU Eubie Awards. I was the MC for the night's festivities, and I actually had some decent material. But I had to ditch the gags after my very first joke was followed by the sound of crickets. The strange thing was, I was just being myself back then, but my peers were trying so hard to not seem entertained that they held in their reaction and I looked the fool. So ever since then, I've been a little skiddish when it comes to letting my personality flow. On most days I can talk up a storm and people are kicking me from under the table to get me to shut up. Then there are those days when I don't say much, and I'm a wallflower.

But thank goodness I was my usual outgoing self last night.

For those of you outside of CC, the Harbor Lights Festival is the holiday highlight on the Bayfront, complete with music, the lighting of the big tree and the classic visit by Santa. It's a pretty big thing for the kids and the show's been popular considering it's been around for 25 years.

Well, since Action 10 KZTV was one of the primary sponsors, it was fitting that a pair of our own talent would emcee the night event. However, one of my coworkers who was scheduled to be part of the show called me up, and I couldn't even recognize her voice. She had been fighting some throat illness and it seemed as if it had taken over. She lost her voice, and she was asking me to fill in for her. Did I mention that this was around 2:00 pm Saturday, four hours before showtime?

I graciously accepted, not just because I'm all about helping out the team and plug the station, but I felt this was an opportunity for me to put the name out there a little bit and get some exposure for myself. I'll admit it, I'm a bit selfish. So, with that pressure added, I prepped for the show.

Looking at the script, it read like a recycled 'Donnie and Marie' give-and-take. In addition to the corny language, the script was also very tight, and open to a lot of ad-libbing. Not the best situation with it being my first Harbor Lights and only having less than three hours to prepare.

Well, 6:00 rolls around and the ceremonies are off and running. Right alongside me is Lauren, and she's about as nervous as I was. But to add to that, she was absolutely freezing with the 38 degree windgusts coming off the bay. I was shaking myself. But we started off by introducing ourselves and talking a little bit about ourselves and our fondest holiday memory, I thought it was going to sound cheesy, but somehow we pulled it off.

Right after the first entertainment act, Lauren and I jump back on stage and we start going through the script once again. Unfortunately, there might have been some miscommunication behind the scenes, because the timing was off and the entertainment coordinator starts making appearances over my shoulder and whispering to stretch the material. The second act of the night was 20 minutes late, and Santa wasn't due onto the stage for another 8. So Lauren and I ran through the sponsers again and try to ad-lib some more. After that didn't work, we just went to the ol' faithful: holiday ambiance music while we waited for Santa's motorcade to make it to the stage.

During all of this, I'm holding a 17-page script in one hand and a microphone in the other. Right behind that, was a list of all the sponsors and event coordinators that I had to mention, those were on separate sheets. And whoever wrote and printed the script didn't put the page breaks in the appropriate places, so I repeatedly was having to stop and negotiate with the mic and flipping to the next page. And don't forget about the long pauses of me laughing at myself during the process. It was embarrassing.

Allright! Santa finally makes it to the stage, and the kids in the crowd are going nuts. There's a lot of good energy coming over the stage at this point, so I thought I would run with. I certainly had the blessing of the event coordinator, though, because she wanted Lauren and I to milk the Santa segment for all it was worth. So I broke into an impromptu news interview with Santa Claus. It took about three to four minutes, and I was asking him questions like "How's Corpus treating you?" and "Are the kids in South Texas naughty or nice?" Y'know, kiddie stuff.

Lauren went the extra mile and scooted down to the crowd to where the children were and got a few questions from them to relay to Santa. So her segment knocked out about three more minutes.

Eureka! We had actually filled a 7 1/2 minute hole in the program just by being ourselves and with a little bit of clever and quick thinking.

It was also in this segment where I ran through the list of sponsors again. When I came down the list to Whataburger, here's what I said...

"And you can't talk about Corpus Christi without bringing up Whataburger. They're an institution here, and you pretty much can't throw a rock in this town without hitting one."

When that last bit came out of my mouth, I froze. I couldn't believe that I said it, not to mention into a microphone in front of a couple thousand people. What was even more surprising that I actually heard a lot of laughs from the crowd. I really couldn't see who all was laughing because of the lights. But I definately heard them. I was so shocked that the bit actually worked, I started to crack up and laugh a bit under my breath. Just before I composed myself and was going to read through the rest of the list, I heard a voice shout from the left side of the crowd.

"That was good!"

Again, shocked from the positive response, I chuckled again. Only this time I turned towards the direction the voice came from and replied: "Thank you" as only I would in an embarrassing situation.

So the show went on. The second act finally showed up and did a good job. I then went back on stage and tossed it to a couple of radio personalities as they introduced the laser light show. Again, groovy time.

Then we finally lit the 75-foot Christmas tree. And that was impressive. Pretty cool that Lauren and I were on stage for that one. Then I introduced the headliner band, a kid named JW Cudd. After that was over, we finally wrapped it up and got outta there. Lauren had to get back to work, and I was at the end of a workday that started at 7:30 that morning.

All in all, it was fun. I'm not sure how much I acted the fool on that stage. I'm also not sure how the people responded to me. There were a lot of hiccups in the program and plenty of times where I might have come off as foolish, but I think everything was okay in the long run. The coordinators said that we did a great job, and that they were in awe that we could talk to no end and pad the show. Good deal, I guess.

But the great thing was, I was just being myself. I didn't come off as stiff and I was able to laugh at myself when things were going wrong. Not exactly sure how many people were watching, because I was blinded by the lights, but another coworker told me afterward that close to 10,000 people usually make it downtown for the Christmas tree lighting. Jeezum Crow! 10,000???? Maybe it was a good thing that I couldn't see those people.

Amazing how in just a few months I could go from small town MC who couldn't get a laugh out of small town crowd, to performing in front of a huge audience. I hope that can be considered a skill.

Suppressing the 'Softball Guy' In Me

2009-11-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

Some of you who have chatted me up in the past year or perhaps have seen my posts on Facebook probably know that I play a little softball here in Austin. It's something that I enjoy doing a lot, and many times it is the highlight of my day after work. But it wasn't until last week that a criticism was thrown in the direction of my team, and I seemed to take it a little personally (hence, sparking an inward observation on how I play and how I approach the game).

Here's an attempt at a long story short.
Back in April I was invited to play on a team called the JuggerNutz - which fielded two co-ed teams that come out each week to have fun, but still liked to win. So, one could say that this team liked to have players that had moderate skill.

Earlier in the fall, the team was registered into a league division (Novice-Medium) that we felt was suited to our teams competitive groove. However, in order to field a full division, the city consolidated our group with another group from a more Novice division. So, the JuggerNutz began winning games at pretty significant margins. It was also about this time when the previous "team manager/coach" stepped down and handed the reins over to me. It was in the most recent game (accompanied by a double-digit lead) that someone from the opposing team started chirping about my team taking the game too seriously. Basically, he was describing us as players without a conscience - another term for "Softball Guy."

We'll get back to the details about that game in a second. But first, I want my readers to know exactly what and who "Softball Guy" is, and why I considered this an insult.

Some of you might like to check out this article from 2 years ago, An Ode to Softball Dude, by a columnist with the humor website joesportsfan.com.

I prefer the descriptions made by Jim Rome.

So, I felt that I would take a chance and compare some of the elements of a "Softball Guy" with a truthful assessment of my own approach to the game, and I will allow you to decide the degree of 'douchiness' I fall into. I will also let you know about this opposing team making the accusations and how my team reacted. So, let's start with the simple things...

1. "Softball Guy" is usually in his late-twenties, thirties, or early forties.
I am 28 years old, so I do fall into this category. But every time I get out to the ballpark I do come across a game where all the players are in the upper range of this group. And they have tempers.

2. "Softball Guy" plays in 3-4 leagues in the same season.
I am currently only playing on two teams, but they are both co-ed. However, back in the summer I played on both those teams and on a third in a men's league. So, I'm sorta guilty on this one.

3. "Softball Guy" owns a triple-lined titanium bat that cost at least $350.
There is absolutely no way that I would consider shelling out that kind of cash for equipment I'd only use twice a week. Instead, I look for bargains. The closest thing that resembles this description is the Worth "Jeff Hall" Amp bat that I found on clearance at a Dick's Sporting Goods. Regular price: $169.99. I bought it for $99.99. Still a little pricey, but I was tired of hearing strange noises whenever I made contact with my previous bat, a $25 Easton I bought 7 years ago for intramurals at SHSU.

4. "Softball Guy" wears baseball pants.
Last time I checked, it was co-ed softball, so for me it's gonna be just shorts or nothing at all. However, I still kinda shake my head at the guys who wear blue jeans. I will make an exception, though. Guys who play in Senior Leagues can wear pants. If you've been playing for that long, you deserve to wear whatever the hell you feel like. Also, I will pardon people who have skin conditions.

5. "Softball Guy" is another form of "Angry Young Overcompetitive Guy."
I'm glad to say that I do not belong in this category. "Angry Young Guy" is the one who comes out every game with a chip on his shoulder and a wound up temper ready to explode, because he's trying to prove something to either himself or the people he imagines are watching him, because he was pushed around a little too much in the past. Back when I was a hockey coach, these types were easy to spot - probably because we put a hockey stick in their hands, and they began to use it liberally around the rink. In fact, the coaches and I actually made fun of this type of player. We called it "Little Man Syndrome." We had to put these kids on a leash during games. Unfortunately there's no legal form to do that in adult co-rec softball.

6. "Softball Guy" knows his career batting average.
At the end of the night, I'll probably recap on whether I went 3-for-4 at the plate or 3-for-5. But by the time I make it back home I completely forget. Hell, sometimes I can't even remember who the leadoff man is for the other team when I'm out in the field. I seem to have short and long-term memory loss when it comes to softball. Meanwhile, I see other players remember how a pitcher tossed to them three seasons ago.

7. "Softball Guy" gripes about the scoreboard being behind.
I did this ONCE, and then I realized right then and there how much of a douche-move it was. I now don't even look at the scoreboard, except to see how much time there's left in the game.

8. "Softball Guy" takes a strike and 'works the count'.
I have to admit I actually do this, but I'm not out there to 'work the count.' Sometimes I like to wait for a good looking pitch. These days, I'm swinging on the first pitch more often than not. But back in the summer I would work it up to a full count and draw more walks than hits. Back then, I thought it was smart softball. But in the league we're playing in now, I will NEVER walk. I'd rather hit a grounder and force the infield to make the play.

9. "Softball Guy" spends hours before each game at the batting cages.
Nope. Too expensive. And it's overkill. Besides, look what I'm doing now. I'm writing a goofy blog, and my game tonight starts in 3 hours.

10. "Softball Guy" plays "entrance music" for his walkup to the plate.
I do bring an iPod and the speakers to the game. But, it's for the team's benefit. I start the playlist and let it roll through the entire game. You can't call me on this one. Haha!

So, looking back at this summary, I can deduce that maybe I have a little bit of "Softball Guy" in me. But believe me, that's the last thing I want to be. I just want to be a guy who goes out there to have some fun and plays hard, but not to the point to where it's embarrassing to both teams. I like getting hits. I like making catches. But I realize that the more a person plays softball, the better the chances are for that person to become that "Guy". So, it's my personal mission to keep it cool and just go out and play without trying to make a statement. Not that I did stuff like that before.

So, back to last week's game. It pains me to say that the final score was 25-4. But it wasn't our team's mission to win like that. We were actually rooting for the other team to make plays in order to come back into bat. And when they did swing, we were hoping for them to make good contact for a well placed hit. At one point, my teammate Jay asked if I wanted him to pop out in order to move the game along. And I answered him with an emphatic "Yes! Please!"

Other batters on the team swung at the first pitch, whether it was a good or a bad one. I told the team to not take walks. We made most efforts to keep the game close and not get out of hand. Unfortunately, their skill level just couldn't come up with that magic to make the game just a tiny bit closer.

But as I watched the other team play, I realized that perhaps it wasn't their lack of skills alone that were the source of their problems. There were some signs that some of the players out there didn't really know "why" they were out there. Maybe some of them signed up with a different game in mind. Perhaps some of them were dragged out there by others. I could actually see a couple players in the field with actual 'confused' looks on their faces, as if to say "What am I doing here?"

And as it turns out, the one player on the other team who started chirping about us taking the game too seriously... his attitude started to deteriorate. He basically blinked at a foul ball that was grounded in his direction. He didn't even make a move to retrieve it when it stopped just 8 feet from him. A teammate from the dugout had to come out and throw it back to our pitcher. Also, other grounders that were hit in his direction at 3rd base were only given a mediocre attempt at being fielded before going about their way into the outfield.

So, as I observed this guy's behavior - his frustration with his teammates, and his negative attitude toward the game - I began to notice that I was actually seeing the conception between a "guy who thinks he's good but isn't" and "angry young guy."

And it was right there when I realized that I had just witnessed the unholy birth of a new breed of "Softball Guy."

Observe and Report

2009-11-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it's my journalism background, but I keep finding myself searching for sense in a lot of things. Either that, or I'm watching too many "police dramas" on TV. So, I tend to make quite a lot of observations. Some of them serious, others funny, but mostly extremely random.

For example, after watching the movie 'Footloose' recently, I came to the conclusion that if you take a population of a small town and deprive the teenagers from music and dancing, the girls in that town will become complete psychos. Compared to staring down an oncoming train and straddling open highway between a car and a pickup truck going 55 mph, that makes the "capital 'C'" crazies on VH1 reality shows look like etiquette instructors.

Also, there seems to be a trend forming in the world of prime time television: shows that are titled after the main character whose name is based after some sort of building.

FOX is riding high with "House."

ABC is winning more fans with the increasingly popular "Castle."

So I figured that I need to start developing a show of my own based on this fad before it runs out of steam. Here's the concept:

"Deep in the forest, there are many things that go bump in the night: Dangerous wildlife... Poachers... the Mob dumping bodies... dwarves mining for diamonds... Kids with matches. That's why this fall, this Park Ranger is doling out permits for punishment. Samantha Mathis returns to the wild to reprise her role as the park ranger from 'Broken Arrow', but with a different name, in a show critics call 'confusing.' She stamps out wilderness crime in addition to stamping your National Parks passport. She's Patricia 'CABIN', US Forest Service. Catch an all new 'CABIN', Fridays on FOX."

Be on the lookout for my other show pitches: "CONDO" and "SHED."

All right, on the actual reason I'm writing this. I have to somehow tie this in with advertising. So, here we go...

The holiday season is coming around, and once again high-tech gadgets are going to be the hot item. Also, it's been quite some time since the last version of the iPhone came out (6 months, right?). So all these mobile phone/device companies not named Apple or Blackberry, have been waiting in the reeds developing their state-of-the-art tablet devices ready to finally dive back into the smart phone market. Nokia is coming out with the N900 (nice name, BTW). Motorola is currently showing off its new Droid.

Now, the reason this is interesting is because AT&T and Apple are such good buddies when it comes to contracts, the blue orb is going to be limited to what it can offer when it comes to smart phones that compete with the iPhone. Meanwhile, Verizon is going to be in good position to offer the Droid, Nokias, and especially the menacing Storm II from Blackberry.

And this, children, is why you are seeing attack ads from Verizon in their new campaign: "There's a Map for that." It's the official start of an ad war between Verizon and the company that can't decide whether their official color is orange or blue.

This is significant for me, because it calls up many memories of annoyance from the 90's. I am alluding to the long-distance wars between MCI and AT&T. My teenage years were bombarded with questions coming through my TV and my phone asking if I wanted to switch or if I was happy with my long-distance service. It was brutal!

On top of that, the same two phone companies realized that it was easier for people to use long-distance service by calling collect, starting a new battle in the phone wars starring MCI's 1-800-COLLECT and AT&T's 1-800-CALL-ATT. Thus introducing a new breed of annoying television advertising: outlandish comedians. Carrot Top had a portable pay phone. David Arquette ran around wearing a keypad on his chest. Probably both performers' best work ever. Meanwhile, MCI went overboard by featuring every relevant B celebrity from 1989 to 1995.

Back to the present. I am actually giddy to see if AT&T answers back to Verizon in the form of an attack ad, instead of the threat of legal action. It will be the sweet corporate jousting match I expect in all my holiday seasons.

Oh, funny side note. Verizon is actually part of what MCI used to be. So it seems that the formerly vanquished long-distance company is coming back to retribution.

So, hug your mobile devices, everyone. They're about to become even more obsolete. But let's at least enjoy the carnage that will come out of the new phone wars, before they start to get REALLY annoying.

Oh yes, and make sure to catch the spin off I'm already creating from 'Cabin'. "Cottage" comes out next Spring.

Take care.

AX

Social Network Marketing IRONY

2009-08-19T22:28:00.000-07:00

Good evening, all.

Well, it's late at night from where I am writing, and I just HAD to get this little bit of information across before I turned in for the evening. Why? Because I have observed a humorous bit of truth related to a blog I posted earlier.

If you recall, I posted a rather scathing opinion of my experience with a social network marketing presentation I attended recently, pointing out that many who are involved with these programs would sacrifice personal and common relationships for the potential of earning quick money by trying to recruit people to become partners in the social network marketing business.

Well, not 30 minutes after I publicized that blog posting on Twitter, my "followers" count suddenly jumped from a modest 65 followers, to a presentable 85 followers. How in the world could some "Joe Shmoe" like myself become so popular from a written recap of a negative experience? Rants don't normally garner this kind of response.

After looking into my new found flock, I discovered that many of my new followers were actually involved with various forms of social network marketing, or multi-level marketing (MLM). They're the type of people who go around searching the internet and using broad forums like Twitter to find other people involved, in the hopes that they can recruit them into their own business partnerships. More than likely, they use the terms "social network marketing" in their search parameters, which just so happened to be words included in the title of the aforementioned blog post.

(Note: Please observe that I'm using the same three words in the title of THIS follow-up blog post, with the intention of further proving my argument in the future.)

You see, marketing is - and always will be - a numbers game. You can see it in the name: marketing. The object is to score sales by hitting up as much of the market as possible. In advertising, we put a lot of effort into research and testing so that we can be as efficient as possible to reach our desired audience, giving the client the best "bang" for their buck. Whereas in marketing, it's all about going up to each and every individual and pushing product on them. Marketers practice this method to the point where they don't even know who they are talking to. Case in point, I write a NEGATIVE article about their trade, and they add me to their social network hoping I'll help in their business.

Another example comes from that experience I wrote about earlier. The organizers of that Amway Global presentation thought that I fell into the same category with naive kids not yet out of college, when in fact I am an educated individual who could see right through their pitch, not to mention a guy who is trained to study the behaviors of the consumer.

Depending on IF my new Twitter followers read this blog post and the previous account, I'll probably drop in the number of "Followers." But no worries, I'll probably gain that number back, and more, because I'm sure more "MLM" enthusiasts will jump right in.

Also, (at the risk of self promotion) I'd like to invite you in on the experiment. Check out my Twitter page and take a peek the list of online and social network marketers who populate my Followers' list. At the time of this posting, I have a count of 83 total followers.

Another lesson learned. Good night, all.

AX

The Drowning Pool 'Fail' Whale

2009-08-19T14:03:00.000-07:00

Being the newshound that I am, I first spotted this story over three weeks ago. I'm only writing about it now because it has taken me the entire three weeks to wrap my brain around the insane thing that happened - and I don't mean the rescue.

To summarize, a diver in China was drowning when her legs cramped up, and a beluga whale saved her life by bringing her to the water's surface.

A nice, feel-good story. Sounds pretty plain, doesn't it? Well, let me clue you in on the details...

It turns out this diver was competing in something called a "free diving contest", in which the object of the game is to stay underwater for as long as possible without any breathing equipment. Insane element #1.

Insane element #2, the reason the diver's legs cramped up (causing her near-fatal situation) was because the water temperature was near-freezing. The news article described it as "Arctic" temperatures.

Insane element #3, this competition was held in a 20-foot-deep beluga whale tank at Polar Land, a marine amusement park, WITH THE WHALE STILL IN THE TANK!

Okay, I thought that the 'Polar Bear Club' was maladjusted, but they just got trumped in the category of "Crazy." At least the Polar Bears know when to get out of the water before serious hypothermia sets in.

First of all, any competition that involves people underwater, trying to hold their breath the longest, will more than likely end up with someone drowning. Because you know what happens when you deprive the brain of oxygen. You pass out. In normal situations (outside of water) your body will immediately go on autopilot and you start breathing again. But underwater, your lungs would immediately fill up with water, hence an eventual death by drowning. It seems that this beluga whale was going to have to pull somebody out anyway, whether it be by cramps or being too competitive in a suffocating contest.

We can also come to the conclusion, considering where this event was held and the temperature of the water, that not only the participants were head cases, but the promoters were, too!

But now that I think about it, wouldn't it have been hilarious if those promoters didn't have any concerns because they had already designated big 'Mila', the beluga whale, as the lifeguard? In their minds, having a whale in the same tank at the same time wasn't a liability, but in fact an insurance policy.

It gives a new meaning to the term 'fail whale'. This could have been a "survive fail".

Remember, the only reason this is funny is because no one died. Cheers to 'Mila' for saving that poor girl's life.

But we have to think of a smarter way to cheat death and get our kicks.

AX

'Boiler Room' 2009 - The Social Media Marketing Smokescreen

2009-08-19T11:27:00.000-07:00

Beware the newest manifestation of the "door-to-door" salesman: the social media marketer.

We know that times are tough these days. I, like most people, are looking into opportunities to earn a little extra cash. But after a recent experience, I learned that fulfillment from a job is more rewarding than earning easy money at the expense of the relationship with friends or people you know.

A couple weeks ago a friend referred me to a gentleman from Dallas who offered opportunities in online advertising and marketing. After a few phone conversations that included the words 'online', 'team', 'think tank' and 'creative', I was under the impression that this gig might involve designing ads for the next generation of online advertising. However, I did keep my guard up, because much of his business jargon was vague. Nonetheless, I figured there was no harm in attending the information session to figure out what all was really going on.

The second I entered the presentation hall, I knew what was up. There was a professional speaker scheduled. Many of the other 30 people in the room were college kids. There was even a high school senior. And aside from the six or seven "professionals" standing in the back of the room, I was the best dressed out of all the candidates. I had stumbled into a sales pitch - a sales pitch aimed at the ambitious, yet naive masses. I knew what was coming, and I could have simply turned around and walked out of there. But, I didn't want to be rude to the host, and I figured I could learn a thing or two on how these "network marketers" appeal to an audience that will eventually drive the market in the near future. So, I chalked it up as research and took a seat.

The speaker was very good - a man by the name of Mike Brown who proclaimed he was a millionaire and retired at the age of 25. His energetic and excited tone hit a chord with the young'uns, but his jokes were corny. At least to me. For about 20 minutes he prattled on about how no one should be working for anyone else and people who earned a paycheck were suckers. The crowd listened, probably unaware that there was still no mention of a product or service being sold.

For the next ten minutes, Mr. Brown went off on how internet marketing is the future of the economy, and companies are figuring ways to get the biggest piece of a $50 billion market pie. He mentioned that referral techniques are driving customers to online retailers more than any other method. And he was right. But to this point, there was still no mention of a product or service, or even responsibility. The crowd still hung in there, though.

Then, he got around to the business plan and how we could use our networks in Facebook and MySpace to make money. Lots of money. It was finally at this point when he scribbled the word 'Quixtar' on the whiteboard beside him. For a few people in the room, they realized what I had already figured out. Shoulders dropped. Sighs could be heard. I could sense eyes rolling. 'Quixtar'. Does the name 'Amway' ring a bell?

Right then I snickered to myself as I was reminded of that scene from the movie 'Go', when Jay Mohr and Scott Wolf are being given the same pitch by William Fichtner.

"Wow." I thought to myself, "I now know that 'social network marketing' is the new fancy word for 'pyramid scheme'."

And we all know how those turn out. I actually think this new form of marketing is even worse, because it tempts you to look to your friends and family as potential sales partners.

Again, I could have just walked out right then, but I wanted some satisfaction. So I went up to one of the hosts and started asking the awkward questions.

"If people ask what I do, what do I tell them?"

"Is there any kind of fulfillment that comes with selling people a business
concept?"

"How big of a net do I have to throw out there to get 4 or 5 ideal sales
candidates? 100?"

"Would I be getting a call from my sales partner every week asking if I'm
working?"

"Would I have to call all my sales partners all the time to get on their
case?"

"How did you get over risking your friendships with people by pitching them
this program?"

So, I left the building laughing to myself. I also came out with three ideal lessons learned.

1. Network marketing is the exact opposite of advertising. There's nothing creative about it. It's driven by ambition only. No research. No strategy. No art.

2. People are already at their wits' end from all the junk that gets posted on Facebook already (i.e.: quizzes, surveys, applications). Can you imagine how pissed at you they'd be if you started pushing hygiene and beauty products on them on a regular basis? You run the risk of losing those friends. Soon, your 400 or so connections will dwindle down to just your core group or clique. That is, if you're smart enough to avoid asking them to jump on board.

3. It's easy to be a motivational speaker when most of the audience is already motivated - by "quick and easy" money.

I have to admit, it was the second time this year that I got sucked into a presentation like that. Back in the spring a neighbor invited me over to watch some sporting event, but when I arrived, I found a table with literature and what seemed like bottles of wine. It was, in fact, a networking sales pitch for an acai drink product called Monavie. They showed me a video about the product that actually looked more like an episode of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous", as it featured the high-end cars and Hummers the elite sales teams drove. Watching the video with our hosts standing beside the television, I felt as if I was restrained and my eyelids were held open by clothespins. It was THAT awkward.

So, for you out there who are looking around for a little extra cash, make sure to avoid anything that says 'social media network marketing' or 'make money with your Facebook and MySpace.' Also, steer clear of those job descriptions that are vague as hell.

I do hope you leave this mountaintop a wiser person.

Take care, all.

AX

Introducing UFC2: Ultimate Finch Fighting Championships

2009-07-28T10:34:00.000-07:00

For some insane reason there are still people out there who get their jollies out of seeing animals dismantle each other. On top of that, they have to sully God's gift of gambling and throw that into the mix, too.

Fortunately, sometimes we can do something about it. Michael Vick (or as I fondly refer to him as Ron Mexico) is still feeling the sting from the 'tough love' of NFL commish Roger Goodell as he is conditionally reinstated to the league after he was punished for his own 'tough love' on the performers of his dog-fighting ring.

On the other hand, it's a sad fact that there will probably always be underground cock-fighting circuits. As long as you have a large enough group of twisted individuals, you're always going to have a draw for those events. Just think of how the donkey shows have survived for so long.

But imagine my disbelief when I read something I thought was much stranger than any of the sordid events listed above. In Connecticut, 19 people were arrested and over 150 small birds were seized, as police stormed a home in New Haven and broke up a "finch fighting ring."

We're talking tiny birds. Canaries, saffron finches and other small birds were put up against each other. Reports said that around $8,000 was exchanged in the gambling side of it all.

Wow. So this is what the world has come to. Not that I mean the Earth in general is going nuts. We all know that nature - in all its beauty and splendor - provides to us some of the most violent and brutal animal battles in the name of sustenance, mating rights and territorial domination. Simple things. Also, it's a known fact that birds typically don't like each other. I grew up watching cardinals and blue jays battle it out for seed on my front porch. But geez, never would I have thought to call up 18 other Brazilian dudes and have them over for a nice Sunday afternoon of watching 'Woodstock' and 'Tweety Bird' going at it.

After I offered this story up for some friends, my buddy Sean from Corpus Christi responded with a concept that I also had running around in my head.

"Here comes the UFFC. The Ultimate Finch Fighting Championships! I can see it
now, a little octagon made of woven sticks and a little chicken wire."

Not a bad idea. But that league will need a nice card for opening night or else it will tank like EliteXC. So here are a few decent match ups I think might draw attention.

Fight #1: Three-Way Tag Team Match

'The Three Caballeros' vs. 'The Goodfeathers'

Despite the back alley upbringing of Bobby, Squit and Pesto, I have to give this match to the 'Caballeros'. Roosters already have a fighter's reputation, ducks are known to be feisty, and I myself have battle scars from run-ins with parrots.

Fight #2: 'Woody Woodpecker'' vs. 'Road Runner'

To most analysts, this would be a "push". It's tough to pick a winner between all-out speed versus all-out tenacity. But considering that the 'Runner' has been outwitting a super-genius coyote for 50 years, I'd have to give this fight to the speedy one.

Fight #3: 'Heckle and Jeckle' vs. 'The Crows from "Dumbo"'

The magpies are pretty slick, but if this thing turns into a street fight, you gotta go with the Crow. There's five of them.

Fight #4: UFC2 Championship

'Henery the Chicken Hawk' vs. 'The Twitter Bird'

It's either the best pound-for-pound small bird fighter against the mascot of the most popular social media site at the time. Push.

All kidding aside, I certainly hope that the recent publicity of such a strange and grim case of animal cruelty doesn't spark a mad dash for small cage birds for the purposes of fighting. It's fun to see a bird pecking at a cat or dog, but not at each other for sport.

And as for the Ron Mexico fiasco, I have a thing to say to all those writers and apologists who think the NFL's reinstatement plan is unfair to Michael Vick. Grow up and realize that we're not just talking about a guy who killed dogs. We're talking about a sadist who got pleasure out of his crimes, because he felt that it was a necessary part of his new gangster lifestyle. Those types of criminals do not belong in the league or deserve the free passes that most athletes get. Those apologists want to stop at the dogfighting argument. What else might have Vick been responsible for if he wasn't checked on this?

Okay, I'm climbing down from my soapbox now.

Well gang, thank you for reaching this point of the blog and tolerating my silly concepts. You are all good people.

Baseball on TV: Balls, Strikes & Eye Candy

2009-07-22T18:13:00.000-07:00

Anytime I sit down to enjoy my beloved Houston Astros on television, I always get caught up in how modern technology has made the viewing experience exponentially better every year. High definition, an army of cameras, the ungodly number of obscure statistics that are flashed on the screen - all of these things help make a game shown 164 times seem original every night.

One aspect of the televised game that I particularly enjoy are the crowd cutaways. As a sports broadcaster I learned that those cutaways are necessary in producing a smooth flowing report to break up the highlights and tell the story. But thanks to my Samsung HD LCD, crowd shots give me an opportunity to really take a look at the cross section of people who make it out to see the Astros. Who knows, maybe I'll see someone I know. Perhaps something humorous will happen in that split second when the fans are seen. Or maybe I'll catch someone in an act of trying to be inconspicuous as he ogles the woman next to him - which is what happened here... http://twitpic.com/9ym5f. Thank you, DVR.

We'll get back to that 'eye in the sky' in just a minute, but the reason I wanted to sit down and write this note was to express my approval of a new promotions segment that Fox Sports Net has rolled out in its Major League Baseball coverage.

Most of you probably first saw him in an ESPN vignette when the season first started, but the Batting Stance Guy now dons your local team's jersey and mimics the team's players' stances in a tease for the post game show. It's finally made it's way down to Texas.

To me, that graphic is more entertaining than any absurd question that Geico Trivia can churn out. Sad to say, but history lessons aren't really the candy that today's baseball-watching youngun will go for. It's all about what's now, who's playing this year. And there's a guy out there on the internet that just happens to have the ability to imitate their batting stances to near-perfection. Fox Sports did a very good job in introducing something that is both innovative, original, and attention-grabbing. Not bad for a guy who cleverly states that his work is "the least marketable skill in America." The only shame in all of it is that the stance is used to tease the postgame show. I don't know about you, but I am a huge Astros fan, but I can't remember any time that I have actually stuck around to watch a postgame show.

But let me take this time to propose another promotion to use in the game. More often than not there is an attractive female perched in the seats right behind home plate, which means there's a lot of face time involved. Now, whether it be the case that the girl knows that she'll be seen, or perhaps her date recommends it, but it's very common that said-female will dress to impress. These days, the viewer can spot the trend that cameras shooting at the game will gravitate toward these women. This is where I believe a marketing opportunity lies.

To most it would be the "random hot girl at the game", but if I was involved in the marketing decisions with FSN, I'd bring in a client like Hooters (or if all else fails, a local gentlemen's club), and call it their "Top Prospect of the Game." Back that up with a Twitter-based conversation during the game and maybe a 15-second in-game spot with the company logo. Wouldn't it be great to have Bill Brown and Jim DeShaies bring in a little commentary on that plug 160 times a year? Throw in a gift certificate for the woman while you're at it. She gets a little exposure and some monetary value, the client gets its name out there, and we all enjoy a little eye candy. Everbody wins.

Call it sexist, but we've seen it done before - just without a sponsor. Remember how many times Colt McCoy's girlfriend was plastered all over the Longhorn game broadcasts on ESPN and FOX?

I rest my case. And, I think it would work.

Until next time,

AX

Car Chases: The Untapped Marketing Well

2009-07-06T13:25:00.000-07:00

Well, folks. I humbly lay this text submission before you as a sign of courage. You see, this is the first time in almost two years that I have sat down to write a full, thought out blog in the interests of your entertainment and the expansion of my budding creative skills. For months now I have been hesitant to write down my ramblings, because quality is what I strive for and during that time I didn't want to put anything out there that fell short of that.

But here I am. Ready to step out into the world once again. I do hope you enjoy.
(FYI - For those interested in my previous submissions, you can find them at http://blogs.myspace.com/axstivers)

Okay, on to today's subject matter.
According to the 'Twitter-verse', a good portion of you took a peek at the car chase involving the Houston Police and Harris County Sheriffs' Departments, and two perps rolling in a white Dodge Caravan. This 90 minute event was carried live by all the major news nets in addition to the locals. Seems like we as a culture will never become jaded to 'cop drama' - taped or live. But as I watched this chase, I began to take into mind the large audience that quickly jumped aboard, and the crazy marketing opportunities that could spawn out of something like this. So, after some thought, I have put together a few hypotheticals...

1. "This Ain't Your Mom's Caravan" - This has to be the easiest spin to come out of today's chase. Chrysler may be struggling financially, but it looks like their vehicles can really perform when required. I mean, the majority of police chases often see the perp vehicle breaking down from the rigors of police pursuit, but this Dodge handled the experience like a champ... and I do mean 'handled'. Not only did that van effortlessly cruise along the Beltway at around 100 mph, but managed to "dodge" the slower traffic with ease. And let's not forget the 10+ U-turns, dekeing around "stopsticks" and the curb-jumping. It even took a nice shot right the sliding door from a patrol car. If I were Chrysler, I'd be on the phone with my MD. "Grab Life by the Horns" (When you're not grabbing pavement with a HPD officer on top of you).

2. "Stopsticks, Stopsticks, Stopsticks" - Okay, first off, in no way am I one to put down the police. Many of my friends are in law enforcement, I greatly appreciate what they have to go through for us, and my father served for a state agency. Also, I understand that because of past pursuits, the HPD and area departments have had to rewrite a more conservative rulebook when it comes to chases. But if I had to take anything away from this chase, it is that there is a need for a more effective method for "stopstick deployment." Someone in product development needs to get on the ball quickly in order to reap benefits from this, because the entire audience saw two embarrassing 'whiffs' by officers trying to throw those stopsticks in front of the van.

3. Harris County Toll Road Authority - Sugar Land to Greenspoint in under 20 minutes?? Enough said. I'm SOLD!!

4. "Tow Trucks. We Help the Cops in More Ways Than One." - Did anyone else happen to see the ridiculous number of tow trucks already in the Greenspoint area when the chase was still going on? And few of them even tried to lend a hand by trying to block the Caravan. That's positive PR you can't write.

5. Greenspoint Chamber of Commerce - This actually falls on the opposite end of the marketing spectrum, as the police chase only adds to an already smudgy image for the area. When that Caravan started to linger around the mall and the hotels, Houstonians had to cringe, and then maybe grin.

Finally, I want to add something that we probably missed out on, and that's the possibility of opportunists seizing this event as a chance to promote themselves. I know it's a long shot, but I would loved to have seen one of those struggling, self-employed sales people with their product tattooed on their vehicle speeding along with the perp vehicle in order to get the free airtime. The only thing that would have made this event perfect is some poor self-promoter driving a car with either Mary Kay or MonaVie splattered all over it, getting into a fiery accident like Anthony Kiedis and Flea in 'The Chase'.

"Monster Madness!"

All in all, it was good to see the HPD come out as winners is all of this. But I'm telling you, there's always more that can come out, too. Marketers, you just have to be open-minded.

AX